Double!

“So what exactly are you and Kris?” I asked one night while Rose and I were sitting on the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean like are you two dating?”

“We are dating, but its nothing official.”

“Yeah, I’m not into the whole being official thing.”

“You and Sidney aren’t official?” Rose asked surprised.

“No. I think he wants to be.”

“Why?”

“Just like the little comments he makes when we are laying in bed together or his texts or something like that.”

“Why don’t you just do it then?”

“He is in Sweden right now. How crazy is that?”

“That’s why you aren’t with him because he is in Sweden? He will be back in like a week.”

“Yeah, and then he will go somewhere else.”

“Kris and I are in the same situation.”

“I know. Its not the reason. Saying the words that he is my boyfriend just seems to make things so much more complicated. Its so good right now. Why mess with it?”

“I see what you are saying..but don’t you want to just know that no one else can have him.”

“No one else can have him. Its not like us being official makes me like him more or him more loyal to me.”

“Don’t you want all his fans to know he is taken?”

“Sidney will never go public. Sidney and I will be dating and whatnot but he won’t ever publicly say he has a girlfriend.”

“Why?”

“He shouldn’t have too. Its his life. If he wants too great, if he doesn’t. Whatever.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Not at all.”

“How can’t it bother you?”

“Am I the girl he calls before bed every night? Am I the girl he comes home too? Am I the girl he steals kisses with after games? All that is enough for me.”

“Grace I can tell when you talk about him how much you like him..”

“I know. Its scary. It scares me.”

“Why?”

“Cause it could all go away. You were dating someone for four years and out of nowhere he breaks up with you.. he was an ass but it still happened. Its scary as shit to put yourself out there.”

“You have to though. I’m scared. Kris and I both just got out of bad relationships and plus the whole thing with Luc.. Kris and I have a lot to work through.”

“No relationship is perfect.. that’s what I always think to myself.” I said.

“So how hard is it when they go away?”

“I mean Sidney and I weren’t really together much during the season.. but its hard. But usually the longest they are away is a week or so. This trip will be the longest.” I said.

“It sucks.” Rose said.

“Yes. Yes it does. But when he comes back it feels so good.” I said laughing.

“I know, I can’t wait to just put my arms around Kris.”

“I can think of something else I rather do than just put my arms around Sidney!” I said and we both laughed.

“Eww! I don’t want to hear that stuff.” Rose said.

“Yeah okay.. I’m sure you and Kris have enough fun.” I said.

“Stop!” Rose said giggling.

“Speak of the devil. Sidney is calling.” I said and picked up my phone.

“Hey babe.” I said picking up.

“Babe?” Rose said.

“Shut up!” I said and walked out of the room to my room.

“What time is it there?” I asked confused on why he was calling at the time. Then I looked at my clock and saw that it was almost 2 so it was morning in Sweden.

“I miss you.” He said.

“Sid, I miss you too.” I said laying on my bed.

“How is it there?” I asked.

“Its been good. Seems like we have forever until we play, though.” He said.

“Yeah. I wish you were here with me.” I said.

“Me too, babe.” He said.

We talked for awhile and then I fell asleep. It was weird feeling. I missed Sidney. I wanted to be with Sidney. I wanted to call him my boyfriend. I want to hold hands and walk to get coffee together, I want all those things. But somethings can’t happen when you are with Sidney Crosby. And I’m still figuring out how to deal with that.

“Liam..” I said walking into his bedroom early in the morning.

“Whats wrong?” He asked.

“I think something is wrong.” I whispered and went over to his bed.

“What do you mean?” He asked not really sure where I was going with this.

“I think its back.” I whispered.

“What? Why?”

“There was blood today.. like a lot of blood in the toilet.” I said.

“do you know the chances of you getting a different kind of cancer?” He asked.

“It could have just spread to my intestines that’s why there was blood.. doesn’t mean I have a different type.” I said.

“Grace..” He said and I just started to cry. He wrapped me up in his arms and his covers.

“I’m scared.” I said between tears.

“Everything is going to be fine. I promise.” He said.

“I don’t want to go to the doctor.”

“We have too.”

“I just have this knot in my stomach.”

“I’m going to be with you the whole time.. I’m not going to let anything happen.” He said.

“I just don’t know, Liam. I’m not ready to do this again.” I said.

“Lay here, I will go call the doctor.”

Hey babe.

Hey, Sid. How’s it going?

Good, I miss you.

I miss you too. So much.

Just a few more days.

I know..

Is something wrong?

I just miss you. I’ll call you later.

“Did you tell Sidney?” Liam asked when he came back in.

“No. Did you get an appointment?”

“Yeah.. later today. Why didn’t you tell Sidney?”

“He is in Sweden. He can’t do anything but worry. Its not necessary.”

“He could help you worry less.”

“It would be just for my benefit to tell him, not his. HE doesn’t need to know.. not right now. If something bad happens I will tell him. Right now its just speculation.”

“Grace, he loves you. He would want to know.”

“Liam. I wish Sidney was here. I wish that I could just cry and cry and cry and I wish Sidney could make this all go away. He isn’t. He is in Sweden and no matter how much you and Sidney try you can’t make this go away.” I said crying.

“I’m here, Grace. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.” He said holding me closer.

So we went to the doctors later that day. It was scary walking in there. I was scared. I had this pit in my stomach. It felt so familiar. I was so glad that Liam was there, but all I wanted was to hear Sidney’s voice.I wanted to tell him.. I needed to tell him, but he was in Sweden. There was nothing he could do except worry. I didn’t want to do that to him even if it would make me feel slightly better.

They drew blood. And I waited with Liam. Holding hands. Holding Liam’s hand and feeling my phone vibrate and see Sidney’s call and I couldn’t take it.

“Its not back.” The doctor said. Liam just squeezed my hand.

“Then why all the blood?”

“Stress maybe? Maybe its just a coincidence.. its not back. I can guarantee that.” The doctor said.

“Okay, well thanks.” Liam spoke for me. I couldn’t get the words out.

“Of course. You two take care of each other.” He said shaking Liam’s hand.

“We always do.” Liam said grabbing my hand and we walked out of the office.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked me when we got into the car.

“I’m fine.”

“Then why couldn’t you talk?”

“I just don’t want to talk.” I said.

“Okay.” He said and we drove in silence. Then we walked into the apartment in silence. I went into my bedroom and I was glad I never heard Maggie ever come. I just laid in bed in the dark. I don’t know why I was so sad. I should have been happy. I don’t have cancer. I don’t have it again. I kept repeating that to myself.

But for a few hours I thought I did.. and it brought me back there. It brought back the hurt and being scared.. and thinking about dying. It made me think about leaving Sidney behind. It made me think of leaving Liam. I kept seeing Sidney called or that he text. He is probably wondering what is up but I just didn’t want to have to talk about it or explain why I feel the way I do.

“Whats wrong?” Liam whispered in my ear. He came and put his arms around me in bed.

“I was just so scared.” I said turning to face him.

“Don’t you know that I would never let anything happen to you.” He said wiping away my tears.