Twenty-Four.

“Are you feeling better?” Liam asked me when I walked into the kitchen the next morning.

“No, because what happened last night.. still happened.” I said.

“If you really think you need to be with him, then just call him up tell you were stupid.” He said.

“And lie to my parents?” I asked.

“Yeah.”

“I can’t do that.”

“If you are that unhappy about living without Sidney, you have to do it.” He said.

“I just don’t get why they made me do it.” I said.

“I kind of see where they are coming from.” He said.

“What?”

“I mean I can see both sides.”

“Enlighten me.” I said.

“We both know that when you have cancer, you need a support system. You need the people you love around you. You need to feel that love, because if you don’t you feel even more alone that you already are. I know you, Grace. I know you better than anyone else. If you are with Sidney, you will jump in head first, which you should. I am not saying loving Sidney is wrong. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be with him, but I am saying that if you did get sick again, he wouldn’t be there unless the timing was perfect. If you got sick during the summer he would be there, no questions asked. But, any other time he can’t possibly be the guy you need him to be, even if he wanted to be.”

“I have you and my parents and Rose. Knowing Sidney loves me and wishes he could be with me would be enough. Its not like he would be gone for months at a time, he would be gone for a few days at a time.” I said.

“True, but don’t you think it would kill him knowing you are going through this and he isn’t there?”

“I don’t know, Liam. But, it doesn’t matter now because I can’t be with him. And I don’t get why this is an issue. I don’t have cancer. Its like saying that a random person shouldn’t date a professional athlete because on the off chance they would become terminally ill, they wouldn’t be around.”

“It sucks, Grace. It does. And I know your heart is hurting and I know you probably should be with Sidney. You need to make your parents see that. You need to give them some time.”

“Sidney isn’t going to wait for me forever. I can’t ask him to do that. I can’t ask him to wait for me until my parents give me the okay.”

“It’s a shitty situation. There really isn’t anything you can do if you aren’t going to lie to your parents. I wish I could help, I would I could make it better, but I can’t.” He said.

“I’m just going to miss him.” I said.

“You don’t have to cut him out completely.”

“I feel like I have too. Talking to him or seeing him is just going to hurt that much more.” I said.

“I think you should just give it some time. He isn’t even coming back for a few months. So much can happen between now and then.”

“Exactly. I’m scared that he will forget me. I’m scared that he will find someone better.”

“If he could forget you, he’s not worth it.” He said.

For the past four days, I haven’t talked to Sidney. He hasn’t tried to talk to me and I haven’t tried to talk to him. That’s not to say I haven’t been thinking about him. Its kind of gotten ridiculous, I think about him all the time. The past four days, I haven’t done anything besides study, go to class, and go to the hospital. I have been with Ty every waking moment while I am at the hospital. I have seen James a few times. We keep giving each other glances, but we haven’t really talked.

I was sitting in the family room. Ty fell asleep while I was holding him. It was comforting just holding him, watching him sleep. It was like no care in the world followed me into that hospital. It was like nothing existed outside of these walls, and that’s why I liked going there. I was in control while I was in this hospital. I was in control of my life, my parents weren’t.

“So guess who keeps asking questions about you?” Mollie said walking into the family room.

“Who?”

“James.”

“Why?”

“I guess he is curious.”

“Are you friends with him?”

“Yeah, I guess. He is here all the time.”

“Yeah. I don’t get why he cares about me.”

“I’m sure you will find out. You two are bound to bump into eachother again. You both basically live here these days.”

“I have seen him. We just kind of look at each other. He always seems busy.”

“Just give it time.” She said.

Mollie was right. James did come around the next day. I was in the family room around 9. I had just cleaned the toys up and was about to study. I did this every once and awhile. I would stay late to study or I would just do the little things. I would stay up with a patient just to talk, its just things I would do. I was just about to crack open my calculus book when James walked in.

“Hey, what are you doing?” I asked him.

“Mollie said you were in here, so I thought I’d come say hi.” He said.

“Okay?” I said a little confused.

“What are you studying?”

“Calculus.” I said.

“So you go to school here?” He asked.

“I go to school at Pitt.”

“For?”

“Nursing.”

“I didn’t think nurses had to take calculus.”

“They don’t. I want to be a doctor.” I said.

“Things are finally falling into place.” He said laughing a little.

“So I haven’t seen you around really before this summer?”

“Yeah, I’m not usually on this floor that much.”

“What kind of doctor are you?”

“I’m a pediatrician, obviously.” He said.

“Well I didn’t know if you declared a specialty or something.” I said.

“So what year are you?” I asked.

“I’m starting my third year residency. I’m 28.”

“Oh, wow. That’s cool.”

“How old are you?”

“Not 28.”

“Well I hope not since you are still in college.”

“I’m young. When I tell you how young, you will start looking at me differently.”

“I won’t.”

“Why?” I asked confused by his answer.

“Because anyone that will dedicate so much time doing something and not getting paid for it is someone who is mature and can see the big picture. No matter how young you may think you are, you are a much older soul.” He said.

“Thanks, I guess.” I said.

“Do you need any help with Calc?” He asked.

“No, I’m fine.” I said. After a few minutes of me reading the textbook and him just staring at me, I finally broke the silence.

“What school did you go too?” I asked.

“I went to Vanderbilt and then Virginia Medical School.” He said.

“Two good schools.” I said.

“Impressed?” He asked.

“Maybe.” I said giving him a little smirk.

“I’m originally from a small town in Tennessee.”

“Why didn’t you stay in Virginia for your residency? They have a good children’s hospital.” I said.

“Yeah, they do. I wanted a change of scenery. Pitt is really good too.”

“What’s your specialty going to be?” I asked.

“Neonatology.” He said.

“Wow.” I said. Then I didn’t really know what to do. It wasn’t like he was annoying me, it was interesting to talk to someone that is going through something that I want to go through. He seems nice enough and I didn’t mean to be rude, but I really did need to do work.

“Well, I got to go study.” I said packing up my books.

“Sorry to interrupt.” He said.

“Oh no, that’s okay. I better get back to my apartment anyways.” I said.

“Well, I’ll see you around.” He said and I got up.

“Yeah, see you.” I said smiling and leaving the room.

Twenty-Three.

“You can’t just hide out at the hospital until your parents say its okay.” Liam said walking into the family room at the children’s hospital.

“What are you doing here?” I asked surprised to see him in the hospital.

“I’m here to knock some sense into you. Its been a week since you got back from your parents and all you have done has been go to class and come to the hospital.”

“So what?”

“So, don’t you think you should tell the other person who this involves about whats going on?”

“I don’t want to hurt Sidney.” I explained.

“Then don’t.”

“I have too. My parents own the place I live. My parents pay for everything. I can’t just say to hell with them.” I said.

“then tell Sidney.”

“Its not as easy as black and white, Liam.”

“Maybe not, but you can’t just hide out in the hospital forever.”

“Bye, Liam. I’ll see you at home later.” I said.

“What was that about?”Mollie asked. She walked in right as Liam was leaving.

“Liam trying to give advice.” I said.

“Are you going to take it?” She asked me.

“Doubtful.” I simply said.

“I have a favor to ask of you.” She said.

“Okay, I’m kind of scared.” I said giving her a look.

“This one family just came in. Their daughter who is 7 just got diagnosed. They also have a one and half year old boy, do you think while you are at the hospital you could just hang around him and babysit him and give the parents a break?” She asked me.

“Of course. I do basically live here.” I said.

“Thanks, his name is Ty. I’ll introduce you to the family.” She said and led me to the family room.

Ty was really cute. I didn’t mind hanging around him while I was at the hospital. He was kind of exhausting though. However, it did take my mind off of Sidney, which was always a good thing.

The next day Ty was hungry so we went to the cafeteria. It was around 5ish so a lot of people were getting dinner at the time. Ty was kind of restless at that point. I was holding him in the line but then he insisted on getting down, so I put him down. Then he just started wandering. I can’t say I was mad because the man he wandered too was quite attracted. Ty just walked up to this doctor and just was looking at him. And when I say walk up to him, I mean like right up to him.

“I’m so sorry. Come on Ty, lets get back in line.” I said picking Ty up. He definitely didn’t want picked up.

“Its not a problem. Looks like you got your hands full anyways.” The doctor said.

“Yeah, you could say that.” I said and walked away. When we got our food, we sat at a table not even close to that man’s table. However, we did catch eachother’s eye. It was kind of weird in a way.

I sent a text to Rose. The one good thing about the medical profession.. cute boys.

Later that night, I gave Ty back to the family. I went to see Mollie. She was just hanging out at the nurses station, it was the end of second shift. She was with her boyfriend, Mark, who is also an RN in the hospital. They were also standing with the doctor from the cafeteria. I didn’t notice because I was so exhausted.

“This is why I don’t have kids yet.” I said putting up my hair. Then I noticed the cute doctor.

“That bad?” Mollie asked.

“What do you think?”

“Oh, Grace.. this is James.” She said referring to the doctor.

“Hi.” I said.

“Hi, you are the girl with the kid in the cafeteria.” James stated.

“Yeah, not my kid. Just helping out.” I simply said.

“You work here?” He asked me.

“Worse.. She volunteers here.” Mollie said.

“Better than the alternative.” I said giving Mollie a look.

“Stop it.” She said.

“Well, I better go. Liam is probably freaking out.” I said laughing.

“Maybe I will see you and..” James started to say.

“Ty.” I said.

“Maybe I will see you and Ty around again.” He said.

“Yeah, maybe. Or maybe he won’t just wander off again.” I said. I was clearly tired and not up for this. I started walking to the elevators and he was walking with me.

“Tired?” He asked me.

“Kind of.” I said.

“I know the feeling.” He said.

“Well I’ll see you around.” I said when I got off the elevator.

“Where have you been?” Liam asked me as soon as I walked into the door.

“The hospital. You act like I have been missing. You know where I am every single time.” I said.

“Next time, take your phone. I don’t want to see Sidney call like ten times.” He said.

“Shut up, Liam.” I said.

“No, Grace. You are calling him. Tonight. Because if you don’t.. I will.” He said. I took my phone and went into my bedroom. Moment of truth. I dialed his number.

“Hey.” I simply said.

“Glad you are alive.” He said. No hello, no nothing. He had a right to be mad. I had been avoiding his calls and texts for over a week.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Yeah, sorry? That’s all I get.”

“Sidney..” I started to say and then I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it anymore. Then Liam walked in and I knew I had to do it.

“Sidney, I’ve been avoiding you.”

“No shit.”

“I’ve been avoiding you because my parents don’t want me to see you anymore.” I said.

“What are we in high school again?” He asked.

“No, but I am living off their money. They don’t want me to see you, I don’t have a choice.” I said.

“You do have a choice, Grace. You always have a choice.”

“Not really, Sidney. I can’t afford school, I can’t afford rent.. I need them.”

“Why don’t they want us to be together? They don’t even know me.”

“They know of you, and that’s all that matters. They don’t think your lifestyle fits well with mine.”

“What does that mean?”

“They think that I need someone that is going to be there for me when I need them.”

“And I will be.”

“And I told them that. But they are scared that I am going to love you and then if I get sick again, I will need you and you don’t be able to be there. They aren’t doubting that you are a good person, they are doubting that you are the right person.” I explained.

“So because I am a hockey player, I can’t date you?” He asked.

“because you are a hockey player and I use to have cancer.” I said.

“So what does this mean?”

“It means that we can’t be together. We weren’t really together anyways.” I said.

“We were and you know it.”

“No, you could be with other girls and by the conversation we last had.. you have been.”

“Don’t get into that again. You are always the one breaking this off.” He said.

“I don’t want to break it off, I have too.”

“No you don’t. You are choosing too.”

“I don’t think you understand. I can’t be with you because I need my parents money. They are my parents. I love them, okay. I’m sorry that its this way but there is nothing I can do.” I said.

“So we can’t talk? That’s it. We just aren’t friends anymore?”

“I just don’t think we can be. It would be too hard. I don’t know. I want to be friends with you but it just doesn’t feel right.”

“None of this feels right to me.” He said.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t do it. You are free to do whatever you want. Or should I say whoever you want.” I said.

“Fine.” He said.

“Bye.”

“Bye.” He said. I hung up the phone and I just broke down. Liam must have heard me crying because he walked into my room.

“I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t think it would hurt this bad.” I said while hugging him.

“I know, Grace. It will be okay.” He said trying to comfort me.

“I could have loved him, Liam. I just told a boy who didn’t deserve to hear it that I couldn’t be with him because of his occupation.” I said and just continued to cry.

“I can’t handle this. I won’t be able to just not ever see him. It kills me to think that. It kills me to think that he could just replace me. It kills me to think that its not killing him.” I said.

“Its killing him, Grace.” He said.

After about a half hour of crying, I just looked up at Liam with bloodshot eyes and said, “What did I just do?”

“I fucked up. I know I did. I know that its not right. I know that its not what I want, but I had to do it. I just don’t get why my parents made me do this.” I said still crying.

“Because they love you.”

“If they loved me, they wouldn’t have made me do this.” I said.

After about an hour of crying to Liam, he went to his room to sleep. I couldn’t sleep, I just kept thinking of Sidney. After awhile, I just felt sick. I went to the bathroom and just started puking. I know Liam heard me. He had too, but he didn’t do anything. He couldn’t do anything. I did this. My parents made me do this and there was nothing I could. I wasn’t strong enough to tell my parents no. But, I definitely didn’t think it would hurt this much. After hugging the toilet, I went into Liam’s room. He pulled back the covers and let me slide in with him. I don’t know how long I cried with my head on his chest. Who would have thought this would happen? Me laying in bed with Liam thinking of another guy. I was actually crying in bed with Liam over another guy, a guy I could have potentially loved as much or more than I loved Liam. But that was over now. Sidney and I were over. We had to be, my parents made sure of that.

Twenty-Two.

I was going home for the fourth of July and I was really excited. I would be spending about four days there total. I would get to see my cousins and Rose, and Travis and KellyAnn, as well as Marlana and her boyfriend, Martin. It would be fun and it was nice to get away from the city. Liam has been my rock lately. I know, I tell people that and they aren’t surprised. I told Mollie, an RN on the oncology unit at the Children’s hospital, and she was just like what did you expect? I guess she was right. Liam was my rock always. He was always my rock. He wasn’t coming home this weekend with me. He wanted to stay in the city for the fourth, I guess I couldn’t really blame him.

“Tell me about Sidney.” Marlana said while we were all sitting in the living room of my parent’s house.

“Nothing to tell.” I simply said.

“Oh come off it. You are dating Sidney Crosby and there is nothing to tell!” KellyAnn said.

“KellyAnn!” I said mortified.

“I’m just saying there must be something to say.”

“There is nothing to say. He is in Canada and he is a nice guy.” I said.

“Who is Sidney Crosby?” My mom asked.

“He is the youngest captain in NHL history and could arguably be the best player in the league.” Travis said. My mom just looked at him confused.

“He is a really good hockey player. I have even heart about him.” My dad said.

“And you are dating him?” My mom asked.

“I guess. Its nothing really.”

“Its something.” KellyAnn said.

“I don’t understand why you are acting like you know whats going on when you don’t live in Pittsburgh and you met Sidney for like ten minutes!” I said.

“I saw the way he looked at you after the game. I also see the way you talk about him and lets be honest if a boy got you over Liam, than it must be a big deal.” KellyAnn said.

“How is Liam?” My mother asked. My mom always loved Liam. It is kind of hard not to love Liam, but its also really hard not to love Sidney. I mean I don’t love Sidney, but I know that I could.

“Liam is good, mom. He is just Liam. You know work hard, party hard.” I said.

“What does he think about Sidney?” Marlana asked.

“He likes him a lot.” I said.

“Really?” Marlana asked.

“Yeah. He didn’t at first, but he does now a lot. Liam is very good friends with some of the other hockey players, so it works out.” I said.

“That’s nice.” My mom said.

“Yeah, Liam is really good. He has a job for the summer.”

“Doing what?” My mom asked.

“Construction.”

“So do you see him a lot?” Mom asked.

“Yeah. He stays at the apartment atleast five nights a week right now. I don’t really like staying there by myself.” I said.

“I’m glad you have him.” My dad said.

“Me too.” I said.

I was kind of relieved that the Sidney thing was out in the open. However, it would come back to bite me the next day. I was sitting on the back porch and my mom and dad came out to talk to me. I knew it was important because never do my parents both come out and sit down. Its not uncommon for one to come out and the other to follow, but both came out with a determined look on their face.

“We want to talk to you about something.” My mom said. I just looked at her a little confused.

“Its about this Sidney boy.” She continued.

“What about him?” I asked.

“We just don’t think it’s a good idea for you two to be together.” My mom said.

“What? We are dating and we are friends. He is a good guy, you don’t even know him.” I said getting a little defensive.

“We don’t need to know him. He is a 21 year old boy who has more money than he knows what to do with.”

“You don’t want me to see him because he has money?” I asked disgusted.

“No, but boys in that kind of lifestyle.. I just don’t think it’s a good fit.” My mother said.

“You don’t even know him, mom. He is a great guy!” I said.

“But he is a professional athlete. He travels.. you two have nothing in common.”My dad said.

“You don’t know anything about him, so you don’t know what we have in common. He travels and yes, he is a professional athlete, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t one of the best guys I have ever met.” I said.

“Better than Liam?”Mom asked.

“That’s not fair, Mom. Liam and Sidney are very different people. Both are great people, but Liam is my best friend. I love Liam, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love Sidney too.”

“But you don’t yet.” My dad said.

“Because I have only known him for a few months. I just want to be able to date him.”

“We don’t want to tell you who to date.” My dad said.

“Then why are you? Why can’t you just be happy that I have found someone that makes me happy.” I said.

“I am happy that you found someone. But just think about this..”

“Think about what?”

“Does he even know about your illness?” My mom asked.

“My illness? Last time I checked I don’t have anything wrong with me!” I said getting even more upset.

“Does he know about your previous illness?” My dad asked.

“Yes, I told him everything. He knows.” I said.

“How did he take it?” My mom asked.

“He is a great guy! He was there for me. He wants to be there for me.”

“I’m not saying he doesn’t want to be there for you, but heaven forbid something bad happens, he won’t be able to be there for you.” My mom said.

“He will be.”

“He can’t be. I’m not saying he is a bad guy, he could be a great guy. He is a fabulous hockey player and I’m not doubting that he makes you happy.” My dad said.

“Then wants your point?” I asked.

“No matter how much he wants to be there for you if you have a relapse, he works a job that he can’t be there. He travels, hockey is his life, his profession, his love. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but in your situation he can’t be there for you.”

“My situation? I’m not dying. I don’t have cancer anymore. I am perfectly fine. Its my job to take care of myself and its my job to pick who I want in my life.” I said.

“I don’t understand why you would want to be with someone that can’t be there for you like you need.”

“He wants to be there. He will be there if it came to that. Plus, I have Liam.” I said.

“Liam isn’t your boyfriend.” My mother said.

“You are right. He is not. He is my best friend and I want him there. I also want Sidney there and I don’t think its fair for you both to be judging him when you don’t know anything about our relationship.” I said.

“You are right. But, I don’t think you should be involved with him.”

“Why, Mom?”

“Because of his lifestyle. He is a famous athlete. He can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants.” She said.

“And he wants me.” I said.

“That’s what scares me. You are going to get attached and when you need him most he won’t be there.” She said.

“I’m dating Sidney and there isn’t anything you can do about it. I don’t live here anymore, remember?” I said. I was determined to win this battle.

“You may not live here anymore, but last time I checked you still lived under our roof. We pay for that apartment.” Mom said.

“So you are forbidding me from dating Sidney?” I asked.

“I just think right now if your life, you don’t need someone like him.” My dad said. I just got up and went into my bedroom. After about an hour, I decided I needed to see Rose. I needed her advice. She had been dating the same boy for 4 years. He was still in high school, which was hard for her being away, but it all worked out. She was the girl I went too when I needed advice. She was my girl best friend. She would know what to do.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” Rose asked me. I looked down at my phone. It was Sidney. I just silenced the call.

“That’s kind of the reason I needed you.” I said.

short post.

“”I don’t want you to leave.” I said standing in front of my door. I was close to tears. Its not fair that everytime I am with him I like him more and more, and then he just leaves again. Its like a cruel joke that someone is playing with my heart.

“ I know, it will be fine though. We will talk everyday, I promise.” He said.

“Its not the same.” I said.

“It will have to be good enough because that’s all we got right now.” He said.

“I wish you lived in Pittsburgh forever.” I said.

“Don’t cry.”

“I don’t want to cry, but I don’t want you to leave. I hate goodbyes.” I said with tears slowing rolling down my face.

“Its not a goodbye. I’m coming back.”

“In like three months.” I said.

“I’m sorry, Grace. I wish I didn’t have to go, but I do.” He said.

“I know, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll call you when I land.” He said and then we had a big, long hug and a goodbye kiss.

He’s gone. I sent to Liam.

Are you okay?

No, how could I be?

Did you cry?

Yeah, it was so hard not too. You know I hate goodbyes.

Its not really a goodbye, it’s a see you later.

Cliché. And see you later? Yeah in like three months.

Its not that long.

So much could change in those months.

Like what?

He could find someone better, I’m sure there are a million girls out there.

He doesn’t want anyone better. And in my opinion, there is no one better and if Sidney doesn’t know that already than he is just stupid.

Thanks, Liam. Movie night?

Of course. I’ll be back in a little.

I’m going to go to the library for a little. Text me when you are home and then I’ll come home then too.

Do you need help studying or anything?

No, I’m going to go to the library and then maybe go to the hospital for a little.

Okay, keep your head up. I love you.

Thanks, love you too.

Sidney left about a week ago. It was rough. A lot rougher than I thought it would be. I liked him a lot. More than I thought would be possible, especially since he was in Canada. We have been talking probably more than we did before he came back to Pittsburgh. We were talking, but it still wasn’t the same as being with him. And I couldn’t forget the date incident. For all I know, he could have been on countless dates in Canada and could have been with so many different girls. I know what he tells me, and he keeps saying he likes me and I’m the girl he wants to date, but who knows. When he is in Canada he sure isn’t getting any from me, so he must be getting it from somewhere.

Twenty-One.

“So did you play well today?” I asked him at dinner the next day.

“I mean I played okay.” He said.

“My dad plays golf a lot. Its funny because he will play golf like twice a week for work.. pretty good job to have.” I said laughing.

“Yeah, that’s pretty sweet.” He said.

“I think my dad would like you a lot.” I said.

“Really? Does he like hockey?” He asked me.

“No, actually not at all. My dad is into sports a lot. Mostly basketball and football, some baseball. And golf obviously, all dads love golf.” I said.

“Yeah.” He simply said.

“So how is being back home?” I asked.

“Good. Relaxing I should say. Its nice to just be at home with my dog and see my family.” He said.

“Go on any dates lately?” I asked taking a bite of my chicken.

“Grace.” He said.

“What? It’s a legit question.” I said.

“No, its not. Who asks things like that?” He asked.

“True. I don’t want to know if you went on any dates or if you have slept with anyone. Even though you obviously did or you wouldn’t have cared that I just asked.” I simply said.

“That’s not fair.” He said.

“Yeah, it’s not. Haven’t you figured out that I don’t really do whats fair sometimes. Life isn’t fair, trust me.” I said and he just looked at me.

“Changing subjects.” I said.

“New Batman movie comes out soon.. pretty exciting.” I said changing the subject.

“Are you really going to talk about movies?” He asked.

“Yeah, I am. I love Batman and movies. I think Liam and I will go to the midnight showing, that should be fun.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said.

On the ride home, I kept asking myself why I did that at dinner. Why did I get resentful towards him? I guess I do that a lot. I pick fights with people because I can. I pick fights with people to test their limits. I pick fights with people to see if they really care. I have always done that. I have always pushed people’s buttons. But did I think that he really did go on a date? No, it took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Its not my business. I was the one that told him that we aren’t exclusive. If it was anyone’s fault it was my own. However, it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I liked Sidney, I truly liked Sidney. I didn’t want him to leave and I didn’t want him to be dating anyone but me.

“Sorry about before.” I said once we got back to the apartment.

“Its fine, Grace.”

“No, its not. I pick fights sometimes.” I said.

“Yeah, I noticed.”

“I don’t know why I do it. I just do. Fighting with Liam always made me feel better. If I was having a bad day I always was like I want to yell at Liam, because I knew Liam would always be there. I knew Liam would let me yell at him because that’s what I needed. I shouldn’t do it and I’m sorry.”

“We are fine, Grace. I promise.” He said reaching for my hand.

“I don’t want to fight with you especially when you are here.” I said.

“I know. Its over. If you ever want to pick a fight with someone, you can pick it with me. I can handle it. I’m not going anywhere.” He said.

“Except Canada.” I said making a weird face.

“Yeah, except Canada.” He said trying to make the same face as I just made.

“You are cute.” I said laughing.

“Well thank you.” He said.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked.

“You can ask me anything always.” I said.

“Don’t you think it will be hard to be a pediatric oncologist? I mean not like academically, but emotionally especially because you went through it?” He asked completely trying to understand a little more of what goes on in my head.

“Didn’t we ever talk about this?” I asked.

“No.” He said shaking his head.

“I always knew that I wanted to be a doctor before I got diagnosed. After, it was just so much clearer.”

“Why?”

“Its so much easier knowing that people have gone through what you are going through. Yeah, telling a kid they have cancer or telling a parent their kid has cancer is something you can’t even imagine. It’s a horrible thing to tell someone. A lot of people associate cancer with death. That shouldn’t be the case. 80% of kids (up to the age of 15) that are diagnosed with cancer survive. That’s a huge number, but to a lot of people that’s just a number. But I am proof. I’m not a part of that number because I was 16, but I got diagnosed and I am still alive. Telling someone they have cancer would be an awful day and I am sure that will happen daily in my life. But, I can’t think of a better day than telling a parent or a child that they are cancer free. I can help people and I know that. I know that I can make a difference. I know that I could be that ray of hope to someone that just got dealt a crappy set of cards.” I explained.

“You are stronger than I am. I don’t think I could do it.” He said.

“You could, I am sure. People always think that its so brave of me to want to do it, even when they don’t know I lived through it.”

“It is brave. Its probably a career that so many people can’t even imagine doing.” He said.

“Its not brave. Its something I know I can do. Its kind of a thing that I think I was destined to do. I know every doctor have a purpose and is important, but I can’t think of a greater purpose than fighting cancer.” I said.

“I could just talk to you about things like this for hours. You are just so amazing, your brain and heart are something I have never experienced before.” He said putting his hand over my heart.

“I’m not amazing, Sidney.” I said shaking my head.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” He said.

“You are so sweet.” I said kissing him.

Its moments like this that I couldn’t even imagine Sidney and I not working. Its moments like this that makes me thank God that I found Sidney. Its moments that like this that makes me wish that Sidney didn’t have to go back to Canada. But then I realize that he must.

Twenty.

“Wow, where have you been?” Liam asked walking into the apartment one night. I was lying on couch watching a movie. I hadn’t realized that I haven’t seen Liam for I don’t know how many days.

“I have just been at the library or the coffee shop or the hospital.” I said.

“For the past week?” He asked sitting down putting my feet on his lap.

“Yeah.. I have huge tests this week. Well actually I just took my last one.” I said.

“Why have you been at the hospital?”

“Just volunteering and such. You know.. the usual.” I said.

“You stretch yourself too thin.” He said.

“I’m only taking three classes.” I said.

“Three classes this summer session! You are taking 18 credits this summer.” He said.

“I know, Liam. I know.. I wish I didn’t do it, but I did. I’m just going to do it. I don’t have anything better to do with my life.” I said sitting up a little bit.

“Talk to Sidney?” He asked.

“Yeah.. we have been trying to talk on the phone atleast once a day. We email and text a lot. Its not the same though.” I said.

“Its already been two weeks.” He said.

“I know, and I know that I like him but you know.” I said.

“No, I don’t really know.” He said.

“Well he comes back next Tuesday.” I said smiling.

“Good.” He said.

“Any hey.. don’t go missing for weeks at a time from now on.” He said getting up.

“I have been around.” I said and he just gave me a look.

“ I have been sleeping here!” I said defending myself.

“Yeah, nothing else.” He said.

“Sorry Liam.. I will pencil you in from now on.” I said throwing a pillow at him.

“Well I just missed you.” He said.

“Me too.. breakfast tomorrow?” I asked.

“Sure.” He said.

Liam was right. Lately, I haven’t really been around. I had an exam in each of my classes, Chemistry, Physics, and Calculus. Besides studying, I have been at the hospital a lot. Now that I have one year of nursing school under my belt, I am able to see more so I have been staying at the hospital. Its been an exhausting week, but I couldn’t wait to see Sidney. The past two weeks aren’t really what I thought when he left. He went to the Bahamas for a week or something so we talked less but still it really wasn’t what I thought. We do talk a lot and we text a lot, but I still feel like there is so much for me to know about him.

Few Days Later.

“Did you get your mail yet?” Sidney said on the phone.

“No.. why?” I asked a little confused.

“I sent you something.” He said.

“Okay, hold on.. I’ll go out and see.” I said walking to the door.

When I opened the door, I found Sidney standing there holding a single white rose. I put my hand over my mouth in complete shock. I couldn’t believe that he was standing there. He wasn’t suppose to come in until tomorrow afternoon, I really wasn’t expecting him at all. I wasn’t expecting anything.. I guess that’s when good things usually happen.

“Oh my gosh!” I said putting my arms around his neck.

“Surprised?!” He said before giving me a kiss.

“I didn’t think you were coming until tomorrow.” I said.

“I wanted to surprise you.” He said heading to the couch.

“Well I was so surprised! I can’t believe you are actually here right now.” I said touching his arm.

“I missed you.” He said touching my face and kissing me.

“Me too.” I said in between kisses.

After awhile of fooling around, I finally said something again. “You are like the best thing to happen in the past two weeks.” I said.

“I know last week was rough for you.”

“Yeah, I don’t want to go to class this week knowing that you are here.” I said.

“I have to golf and stuff. We will be together every second that we can be.” He said.

“Okay, good. I won’t volunteer though. I just want to be with you.” I said snuggling up to his chest.

“You can still volunteer, Grace.” He said.

“I know, I just want to be with you, because I am going to miss you when you leave.” I said.

“Lets not think about me leaving.” He said.

“I know.” I said and heard the door open.

“Hey man. Did you pull off the surprise?” Liam asked.

“Yeah.. definitely didn’t think I would be able too.” Sidney said.

“You knew he was coming?” I asked Liam.

“Of course I knew. I’m the best friend.. he tells me things.” Liam said laughing.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure.” I said laughing and looking at Sidney.

“Well, I’m just going to get some stuff and head home. I’ll let you guys have the place for a few days.” Liam said.

“You don’t have too.” I said.

“Yeah you can stay.” Sidney said.

“No, its fine.” Liam said.

About ten minutes later, Liam walked out of his bed room with some of his stuff.

“You two kids have fun.” He said smiling and shut the door.

“I thought you said he wasn’t staying in the city for the summer?” Sidney asked me.

“Liam has a big family and not that big of a house.” I said.

“Like how big?”

“He has an older sister that is home for the summer and three younger brothers and a younger sister. He shares a room with one of his brothers.” I explained.

“Oh wow. That is big.” He said.

“Yeah, he loves his family and I love them too.. they are great, don’t get me wrong.. its just being with them for that long when you haven’t been, its hard for him.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” He said.

“Okay, lets do something! I don’t want to spend the few days I have with you talking!” I said lauging.

“What do you want to do instead?” He said with a little smirk.

“Eat! Lets go to dinner!” I said.

“I didn’t expect that to be your answer.” He said.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Mr. Crosby.” I said reaching for his hand and pulling him behind me.

I will update soon.. sorry for the lack of updates.. before I would write alot and have chapters saved, but now I have no chapters so I have to take time to write.. wednesday there should definitely be an update up. God Bless <3

Nineteen.

That night I had sex with Sidney. I wasn’t really sure what it meant. Actually, I think I knew what it meant. Sidney and I obviously had chemistry, physically and emotionally. Having sex with Sidney wasn’t a difficult decision, I hadn’t really thought about it, but it felt right. However, he was leaving today. He was leaving and making love with him wasn’t going to change it. Funny that I just said making love since Sidney and I weren’t in love. We were on the way to being in it, I think, but definitely not there yet. Sidney would leave and I may end up just being another girl he had been with, but I wanted one night with him. I wanted to know what it felt like to be his world, I wanted to remember how it felt to be the only girl he wanted to be with.

I woke up by a kiss from Sidney.

“You leave today.” I said with my eyes still closed.

“I know, what was last night?” He asked.

“A great night.” I said smiling.

“True, but what does it mean?”

“Sidney, don’t over think things. Everything I said before still stands. But last night.. was nice.” I said.

“It was really nice.” He said running his hands down my side. When he got to where my scar was I must have made a face, because he gave me a look. I pulled the covers down to show it to him.

“This huge scar is embarrassing.” I said.

“Its not bad, Grace.”

“I honestly thought it would go down by now. Its still as red as it was when they removed the mole.” I said.

“It just makes you who you are.” He said and kissed the exact spot my scar was at.

“Are you sure you have to leave?” I said rolling on him.

“Sorry.” He said kissing my nose.

“I know, it will be fine.” I said rolling out of bed to get dressed.

Sidney jumped into the shower and I started to make breakfast. He was going to go back to the Lemieuxs and then I would pick him up to take him to the airport. I was dreading the goodbye. You know when you really like someone or you are dating someone but you haven’t said I love you yet, I just never know how to end a conversation or say goodbye. It just seems so natural to say I love you to someone, but when you aren’t at that point yet, do you just say goodbye? It just doesn’t seem like enough, and that’s what just kept running through my mind.

“I wish I could just ask you to stay and you would.” I whispered in his ear while we were hugging in the airport.

“I wish it was that simple. You know I would if I could.” He said.

“This sucks.” I said pulling away.

“I’ll be back in like three weeks for a few days.” He said reassuring me.

“I know.” I said and he pulled me back into a hug.

“I’ll miss you.” He said.

“Me too. Call me later.” I said and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Okay, just leave before I start crying!” I said.

“Don’t cry. I’ll be thinking of you.” He said touching my face and giving me a kiss on the lips.

“Bye.” He whispered and turned to walk onto the plane.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked when I walked into the apartment.

“Yeah.” I said plopping down on the couch.

“What happened?” He asked.

“It was just a lot harder than I thought it would be.” I said.

“He will be back before you know it, Grace.”

“I know.” I simply said.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” He said.

“Thanks for that hallmark pick me up.” I said laughing.

I can’t stop thinking about last night. I wish tonight could be like that again.

“Sidney?” Liam asked.

“Yeah.. lets think if I am sitting with you right now and Rose is working it could only be Sidney.” I said laughing.

“Atleast you are laughing.” Liam said.

“I think its because I’m sad that I like am making myself laugh.” I said.

Me too. You will have fun being at home. Me on the other hand is about to hit my chem book.

Ouch. That is rough. I’ll call you later. Don’t study too much.

Don’t party too much.

Never.

“Look at this Liam, I just told Sidney not to party too much and he sends me a picture of an empty glass.” I said laughing.

Nice attempt, but I know it wasn’t full of alcohol.

Can’t fool you. Tal k to you soon.

“I know at first I didn’t like the thought of you and Sidney..but you two are good together. Sidney is a good guy.” Liam said.

“Thanks, Liam. That means a lot.” I said giving him a little hug.

Eighteen.

“Shouldn’t you be with Sidney right now?” Liam asked me when I walked through the door.

“I’m pretty sure he isn’t even thinking about me right now. And I’m pretty sure I can’t help him through this.” I said.

“So you just left? He just lost the Stanley Cup and you left?!” He asked me.

“Yeah. What was I suppose to do? Go down to the lockerroom where his parents are? Go down there and act like I know whats going on and the right words to say? No, he doesn’t need me.” I said.

“It doesn’t matter what you say, you just should be there.” Liam said.

“Well it doesn’t really matter because I’m not there.” I simply said and walked into my bedroom.

I knew in the perfect world, I would be the one to help Sidney get through this. I knew that in a perfect world, I would know what to say and when that buzzer sounded I would be the first person he would want to see. In a perfect world, so many things would be different. But, we don’t live in a perfect world. When the buzzer sounded I am sure I am probably not even in the top 10 of people he wanted to see. I don’t know what to say to him to make him feel better. And I am not the person to help him get through this situation. I know this but as I am laying in my bed thinking of him, it doesn’t make it hurt any less. It doesn’t make it hurt less knowing he is hurting, or knowing what I have to do when I see him next.

“Hello.” I said answering my phone early the next morning.

“Hey, what are you doing?” He asked.

“Just laying in bed.” I said.

“Could I come over?” He asked.

“Sure.” I simply said.

I wasn’t sure if now would be the right time to say what I knew I had to say.

“Grace?” I heard him say when he walked into the apartment.

“Yeah, Sidney. I’m in my bedroom.” I said.

“How are you?” I asked as soon as he emerged in my room.

“Can I get in with you?”He asked and I pulled the covers back so he could get into the bed with me.

“Are you okay?” I said looking up at him after we were snuggled together.

“Yeah, I just want to lay here awhile.” He said.

“I think we should talk about what happens now.” I said when we were sitting on the couch a little later.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you are going to leave in like two days.” I said.

“Okay. Grace, I know you have something you want to say.. so just say it.” He said.

“ I want to be that person for you, I just don’t think I am yet. Like when you lost, I wish I could have been that person you wanted to see after the game, I wish I was that person that could make you feel better..but I’m not. I want to be and I hope I will be at some point. But right now, I’m not.”

“It just takes time, Grace.” He said.

“We don’t have time, Sidney. You are leaving for three months.” I said and he just looked at me not fully understanding where I was going with this.

“And I will say that I will wait for you because I would, but you shouldn’t have to wait for me.” I said.

“So what are you saying?” He asked.

“I’m saying that I like you and I want to talk to you this summer. But, I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything. I don’t want you to think you need to call me everyday and I don’t want to wait for you to call everyday. I don’t want that to be the highlight of my day. I just want to see what happens. Do I hope that when you come back to Pittsburgh we will be best friends and can have a strong relationship? Definitely. Do I hope that by then I could be that person for you? Oh I wish for nothing more. But, I just don’t want to hold you back. I want you to be free to do whatever you want.”

“You are what I want.” He said.

“Now, I am. And its not that I don’t trust you, because I do. Its not that I don’t want to be with you, because I do. But, you are free for three months. Free from the demands of hockey and you are at home. You shouldn’t have to worry about me, you should do whatever you want. Don’t worry about me.” I said.

“You keep saying you don’t want me to worry about you, you saying that doesn’t change it. I will worry about you no matter what. No matter if you are my girlfriend or if you are just some girl. I know you now, you can’t just erase that.” He said. I just looked at him. I really wanted to just be like screw it, lets just be together. We can make it through these three months, it doesn’t matter. But, I knew what I needed and what he deserved. I knew it, he may not ever understand, but I realized I could be okay with that.

“Just tell me what this means, Grace. Because I know that I am not going to change your mind.” He said.

“ It means that call me when you want to call me. Text me when you want to text me. And when you are in Pittsburgh, you better be at my doorstep! It means that I like you but you aren’t tied to me. It means that we are seeing what happens, but you are free to do whatever you want with whomever you want.”

“And you?” He asked.

“I will be studying and volunteering and probably regretting everything I just said.”

“If you know that you are going to regret it, then why are you saying it?” He asked.

“Because I want to be friends with you first. I want to be that person for you, and it hurts that I’m not. It hurts that we aren’t at that point. I think this summer is the perfect time for us to be talking and figuring who each other are. Because those are the things you can do over the phone. I also don’t want to be worrying who you are with.. I just don’t want you to think you owe me anything.”

“I don’t think that. I totally get what you are saying.. but I did want to see you after the game. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to see you.” He said.

“That’s not my point.” I said.

“Okay, well I also know what you mean, that you aren’t that person yet, but that’s what dating is for.”

“Sidney say we are together exclusively by the time you get back we would have been together for 4 months and still I wouldn’t know you that well. I just want to know you. I want to know every little thing about you, hence that’s what this summer is for.” I explained.

“Grace, whatever you want. But, I don’t really plan on dating girls back home.”

“I like that.” I said smiling.

“And don’t go falling for Liam again.”

“I think I only have eyes for Canadians and since its not hockey season anymore, I don’t think there are many around.” I said.

“So what was this whole conversation about?” He asked shaking his head.

“We are dating, but not exclusive. You should feel free to date if you want to date, if you want to call me, call me.” I said.

“hey Grace? You should know that this is your choice. If it was up to me, you would be the only girl I talk to or think about or see this summer. Whenever you want to be official, all you have to do is say the word, because I’m not going anywhere.”

“Lets just have a good night together. Lets not worry about what will happen when you are gone this summer. Okay?” I asked.

“Don’t you know that whatever you want, I will do.” He said giving me a smirk. Then we walked into the bedroom.

Seventeen.

“This is really good.” I said taking a bite of the tilapia Nathalie prepared.

“Oh thank you, Grace.” Nathalie said.

“So you live in the same apartment during the summer?” Mario asked.

“Yeah, my parents bought the apartment a few years ago.” I explained.

“They bought it so it would be easier when she was at the hospital.” Sidney chimed in. I just looked at him, not expecting him to bring the cancer thing up. It was just awkward.

“Did you know that Mario had cancer a few years ago?” Nathalie asked.

“Yeah, Sidney mentioned that. Didn’t you still play hockey during it?” I asked.

“Yeah.” Mario said.

“Wow, I couldn’t do anything during my treatment.” I said.

“I only did radiation. What about you?”

“I did radiation and chemotherapy. It wasn’t a fun time.” I said shaking my head.

“What kind of cancer did you have? Sidney never said.” Nathalie asked.

“Melanoma. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been. It was still pretty bad though.” I said.

“How long were you in Pittsburgh for?” Mario asked.

“About nine months. My best friend had Leukemia and he stayed for over a year. ” I said.

“Its funny because when people ask that and I tell them nine months. They are like oh that’s not bad. And I just want to be like, you have no idea how bad it was. It was the worst experience in the world. Nine months of throwing up and not being able to do anything.. nine months of being so sick that people are scared to come near you or touch you. It could have been 2 weeks, it would have been too long.” I explained.

“I know, people that haven’t experienced it.. can’t really understand.” Mario said.

“That’s why it was a blessing meeting Liam, my best friend. He had it worse than me, but it was like when he saw me he didn’t see me as having cancer. He saw me as being like him.” I said.

“It must have been hard telling Sidney.” Nathalie said when just the two of us were in the kitchen.

“It was so hard. But it had to happen. I live with Liam so it was bound to come out. I just never wanted Sidney to see me sick or without my hair.” I said.

“I don’t think Sidney really cares about that stuff.”

“Maybe not, but no one wants the boy they like to see them sick. I don’t know.. I just didn’t want cancer to define my life forever.” I said.

“I understand, but you should be proud of surviving.”

“I am so proud and I’m not scared for it to happen again. I’m not scared for myself.. I’m scared for the people around me. That’s why I didn’t want Sidney to know. I don’t want him to have to worry that one day I may just wake up sick again.” I said.

“Hey, thanks for coming tonight.” He said while we were laying on his bed.

“Sure.” I said.

“Whats wrong?” He asked.

“Nothing.. I’m fine.” I said.

“Grace..” He said.

“What?”

“I know that something is wrong.”

“I just.. it was weird them asking me about cancer.” I said.

“You don’t like talking about it?”

“I don’t mind talking about it, it just is awkward sometimes. I hate thinking that people are picturing me sick.” I said.

“They weren’t picturing you like that.”

“Everyone does and then everyone feels bad for me.”

“You don’t know that Grace.”

“Yeah, you have never had cancer.” I said.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Push me away. Don’t push me away because you are scared because I am leaving.. don’t push me away because I didn’t have cancer.”

“Sidney, I’m not. Its not because you don’t have cancer or that you didn’t.” I said.

“Just let me in, Grace.” He whispered and then kissed my ear.

“I just don’t want you to leave. You know how I feel. I just want to take a step back.” I said.

“Can’t we just talk about it before I leave?” He asked.

“Fine.” I said getting up.

“Stay.” He said reaching for my hand.

“Tomorrow is a game day and I can’t leave my sister.”

“Your sister is fine.”

“Tomorrow is still a game day.” I said.

“Fine. Call me when you get back into the city.” He said getting up and kissing me.

“And Sidney..” I said before leaving.

“I’m not pushing you away.. I just don’t like thinking that you are going to be so far away.” I said.

“Don’t think about it.” He said.

“I try not too, but I can’t help it.” I said then I left.

“Grace is that you?” KellyAnn said walking out of the bathroom.

“Yeah.. where is Travis?” I asked.

“Sleeping.. of course.” She said starting to laugh. I walked to my bedroom and he followed.

“So how is Sidney?” She asked.

“Good.”

“Whats wrong?” She said sitting on the bed.

“I don’t know. I like him, Kel. I really do. Its just..”

“Its just what?”

“I don’t want to hold him back. I don’t want to think about all the girls he is with back home. I don’t want to think about all the girls he could get.”

“Grace, doesn’t it mean something that he chose you?”

“Yeah, but why did he? I ask myself that everyday.”

“I just don’t think you are giving him enough credit. Just see what happens.” She said.

“What happens if I get sick? I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want him to go through that with me.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want him to think of me like that.”

“Why not? Liam did.”

“I know, but I’m just scared that he will be scared away. What if he didn’t want to be around if I got sick again?”

“Are you serious? If he didn’t want to be with you if you got sick, then he is an ass and you don’t want him in your life. But, I don’t think he would do that.”

“I’m just scared..”

“Everyone is scared, Grace.”

“Its not fair to Sidney that I keep thinking these things.”

“Its not. He likes you, deal with it.”

“I know, you see things black and white.” I said.

“You usually see things black and white, but you are making Sidney this gray area.” KellyAnn said.

“I know, he is like my Achilles heel.” I said.

“That’s what makes him perfect for you.”She said before getting up and leaving my room. I just sat on my bed thinking. I knew what was going to happen. I knew that everything would be okay, but I just didn’t want to lose Sidney. Its funny that I am saying that I would lose him, because you can’t lose something that you never have. I didn’t have Sidney, not completely. Because if I did, I would have met his parents, I would have done so many other things. And if Sidney completely had me, he would have met my parents. And that was the truth, neither of us could deny that.

Sixteen.

“I can’t believe you are dating Sidney Crosby.” Travis said when we got into the car to go to the game.

“I’m not dating him.” I simply said.

“Oh come on Grace, you are.” KellyAnn said.

“Can you two try and not embarrass me infront of him though?” I asked.

“What? We are going to meet him?” Travis asked.

“Well he does want to meet my sister.” I said.

“I will make sure Travis behaves himself.” KellyAnn said.

“You really like him don’t you?” KellyAnn asked me once we took our seats. It was right after they came out to the ice. I must have gotten a smile on my face or something.

“I do like him. I like him a lot, but he is Sidney Crosby.” I whispered so no one could hear me.

“So what?”

“So why would he want to date me? Why would he want to date someone that has a history?” I asked.

“Why wouldn’t he want to date you? You shouldn’t write yourself off, Grace.” She said.

“I want to like him and I want to trust him. Its just all bad timing.” I said.

“How so?”

“He will leave after this.” I explained.

“He will come back.”

“Yeah, and who knows what those few months will do.”

“Have some faith.” She said.

“I have faith and I’m not worried about it. I just don’t want to be heartbroken. I don’t want to think that this could turn out well, because chances are they won’t.” I said.

“You don’t know that. He could be your prince charming.” She said.

“You have never even met him, KellyAnn.”

“I know, but I saw your face when you saw him just now. Even hockey players need someone to love.” She said.

“They have plenty of girls to choose from. Whats to say that even if he had one girl he wouldn’t be sleeping with four others?”

“Nothing but trust and faith. You never seemed this way before with Liam or anything.”

“Yeah, Liam cheated on me, remember?” I said.

“He’s not Liam.” She said.

“I know.. that’s a good and bad thing.” I said.

“I will never understand you and Liam. If you love eachother, date eachother.” She said.

“I love him, but I don’t want to date him.” I said.

“Yeah, and you don’t want to date you know who either.”

“I want to date him, I just don’t think it will work especially with thousands of miles between us.” I said.

“Oh baby sister, I wish you just had more faith in love.” She said shaking her head.

“I have plenty faith, just not faith when the person you are dating happens to have millions of fans.” I said smiling.

“Good game.” I said to him after the game.

“I don’t know if I would say that.. but we won.” He said looking tired.

“That’s all that really matters.” I said.

“This is KellyAnn and Travis.” I said to him.

“I heard a lot about you.” KellyAnn said.

“Oh great..” He said rolling his eyes.

“So how long are you guys here for?” Sidney asked.

“I’m not really sure. Probably like three more days. Travis has to get back to work.” KellyAnn said.

“Where do you guys live?” Sidney asked trying to be polite.

“We live in Philly, but we are both looking for different jobs.” She said.

“What do you do?” Sidney asked.

“I’m a civil engineer and she is a teacher.” He said.

“Oh, wow. So you want to stay in Pennsylvania?” Sidney asked.

“Not necessarily. We were looking for something in Pittsburgh since its closer to my parents. We looked out of state. Anything that is good for both of us.” KellyAnn said.

“Oh I see.” Sidney said.

“Well we should probably go.” I said.

“Do you want to come with me for awhile?” Sidney asked.

“Yeah.. I’ll see you later.” I said to KellyAnn.

“Your sister seems nice.” Sidney said once we got into his car.

“Yeah. You would like Marlana and Simon, they are funny too.” I said.

“How is it having your parents here?” He asked.

“Its weird having them in the apartment. I mean I miss them, but I have gotten use to not having anyone around.” I explained.

“Have your classes started yet?” He asked.

“Oh yeah..” I said.

“Which ones are you taking?”

“I’m taking a physics, calculus, and chemistry class.” I said.

“Oh light summer stuff, I see.” He said smiling.

“Oh definitely.” I said.

“I need something to keep me busy over the summer.” I said.

“You know I’ll be back in Pittsburgh before you know it.” He said.

“It’s a long time, Sidney. A lot can happen then.” I said.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“Did you wear a wig or anything when you were going through cancer?” He asked.

“No, never. I donated my hair to Locks of Love before I shaved it. Then I shaved it and I was bald from the chemo. It started growing back in like January, like just some scruff. I didn’t really care what my hair looked like. By the start of senior year, it just looked like I had a short haircut.” I explained.

“Random question.” I said.

“I just wonder these things sometimes.” He said.

“You can ask me whatever you want. I’m pretty much an open book.” I said.

“Do you want to have dinner with Mario and Nathalie tomorrow night?” He asked.

“If that’s what you want.. then sure.” I said.

Fifteen.

“Hey you!” I said giving Sidney a half hug when he came to pick me up at the hospital.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” I said.

“Its been like a week.” He said.

“I know.. its mad here though.” I said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean its like Penguins frenzy everywhere in the city. Its crazy.” I said.

“Yeah.. too bad we are still losing by 2.” He said.

“That will change though, I am sure of it.” I said.

“You are coming, right?” He asked.

“Yeah.. for sure.” I said.

“Okay, good.” He said giving me that smile of his.

“So what are you doing for the rest of the day?” He asked me.

“My parents are in town. So I will probably just show them some stuff in the city and then go to dinner.” I said.

“Oh parents..” He said in a weird voice.

“Yeah.. they leave the day after tomorrow. My sister, KellyAnn and her boyfriend are staying for a few more days though.” I explained.

“Do you want me to get you tickets for them?” He asked me.

“Maybe just for KellyAnn and Travis..my parents don’t need to go.” I said.

“You don’t want me to meet your parents do you?” He asked pulling into a café.

“Its not that I don’t want you to meet them.”

“Then what is it?”

“My parents see me differently than you see me. Well probably differently than the whole world sees me.”

“All parents are like that.” He said.

“I know, but its too soon for you to meet them. They have only ever met Liam.” I said.

“yeah.They liked him alot?”

“Of course .. they are letting me live with him. I just don’t want my mom to compare you to Liam, because you are way different.” I said.

“Your mom loves Liam right?” He asked.

“Yeah. They just are happy I had someone during everything. I want you to meet them eventually. Its like not I’m hiding you. They know we talk, I mean they know I am going to the game. Its just they don’t know the extent because I don’t want all the questions.”

“Whatever you want.”

“Its not like that. My mom is going to think that if I introduce you to them that its serious. That its more serious than it is. I haven’t even known you that long.. I just don’t think it’s the right time.” I simply said.

“Its fine, Grace. Really.”

“You are mad though.”

“I’m not mad. I will get you three tickets for tomorrow. Will I see you after?” He asked.

“Of course. You can meet KellyAnn if you want?” I asked.

“Yeah of course. Isn’t your other sister here?”

“Marlana is away at school. She never comes home anymore.” I said kind of laughing.

“Oh well I would love to meet KellyAnn. All three of you can come to the lockerroom after.”

“Sounds good.”

“Hey, Sidney. Thanks for being so good about this whole parents thing.” I said before he dropped me off.

“Of course. My parents are in town too, and you haven’t met them yet. But I do think that you should have dinner with Mario and Nathalie sometime. Mario had cancer too.” He said.

“Just because someone had cancer doesn’t mean we have to meet.” I said.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I told Nathalie and Mario about you a lot obviously before everything happened, but when you told me.. Nathalie was home.. I talked to her and you don’t have to talk about cancer or anything. I just think it would be nice for us four to have dinner. We never do that before. You come over and you watch movies or you help babysit but never have we had dinner.” He said.

“Yeah, we should then.” I said.

“Okay, well have fun with your parents. Call me later.” He said leaning over to give me a quick kiss before I left the car.

Dinner with my parents was fine. I felt kind of guilty not having Sidney there, but I knew it wasn’t the right time. We didn’t really talk about Liam or Sidney very much. Just stupid stuff, really. I told KellyAnn that she could come to the game if she wanted. Travis wanted too so she decided they would go. I was excited for KellyAnn to meet him. Its not that I didn’t want my parents to meet Sidney, which is what they thought and what he thought. It was just I didn’t know how serious it was. Plus, I have never met the Crosbys and they are around all the time. I just know my mother. She meets him and then she will never let it go. I just wasn’t ready for the comparison between Sidney and Liam to pick up again, not when I didn’t have much time left with him.

Fourteen.

Sidney’s POV

I was sitting at Max’s one night just with the guys. Then Liam walks in. I didn’t think it was that awkward but of course Max makes it that way.

“Oh this isn’t awkward or anything.” Max said.

“Shut up, Max!” Jordan said.

“Its not awkward at all. We just love the same girl.” Liam said so calmly. I just looked at him. Was he really going to go there?

“Sidney, could I talk to you?” Liam asked me.

“Yeah..” I said then got up.

“You should know something.. I still love Grace. Was I out with Caroline that night? Yeah, should I have been? No. But, that doesn’t make me love Grace any less. I know that Grace and I are meant to be together, because I love her more than my own life. I would rather see her happy, than be happy myself. I didn’t fight for her when she said she chose you, because she chose you. She thought that I didn’t want her, but I want her everyday. She needs you for some weird reason right now, you not me. So I let her go. I’m not going to try and steal her from you or anything like that, because she thinks you are the one she wants. And that’s fine, but just know that if you hurt her.. I will find a way to hurt you back. I love her, and I had my chance and I messed it up. But, none of that means I don’t love her enough. Because I love her more than you could ever love her. So you should just know, that I’m not the ass that you think I am. I may have hurt Grace in the past, but we made it through that. This is your chance to love her. She is an amazing girl, probably more amazing than you will ever know.”

“Why did you just tell me that?” I asked him. I had to admit it took a lot of guts to say that to me. I also think I gained a lot of respect for him from him doing that.

“Because you should know that if you don’t want her, someone does. And you should know that I’m not the ass you think I am.” He said.

“I don’t think you are an ass. But I also know that I won’t hurt her.” I said.

“I hope not. She deserves to be happy.” Liam said.

“I know. I’m glad she had you back then. I’m glad she has you now. She loves you more than I could ever understand.”

“Yeah, she just thinks I played with her heart just to be cruel.” He said.

“Why don’t you tell her then?”

“Because she picked you. I don’t want to make things awkward. I hope things work out for you too.”

“you don’t mean that.”

“I just want her to be happy. If you do that, then I’m supporting you.” He said.

“You are a good guy, Liam.” I said to him.

“Thanks.” Liam simply said. Then we walked back out into the room with the guys. From that moment on, Liam and I seemed to be good. We seemed to just be friends. I kind of liked him if you removed Grace from the equation.

Grace’s POV

“So how is Sidney?” Liam asked me.

“He is in Detroit right now.”

“I know that. I mean how is it with him?”

“I don’t get why we are together.”

“You don’t want to be with him?”

“I want to be with him. But, he is going to Canada soon. I don’t want to be sitting around waiting for like my one phone call with him. I don’t want to be worrying about who he is with and what he is doing. I like him and I wish things were different.”

“Don’t you think you will always worry who he is with?”

“I just think maybe this between us should be casual. I mean I don’t even know him that well.” I said.

“Did you tell him that?”

“Its hard. I tried. Plus, he has bigger problems than this. What do you think?”

“I think your timing sucks. I think that yeah he does have things on his mind and that he is leaving soon. But, do I think by you saying you want it casual or just saying lets be friends.. do I think that will make you worry about him less or miss him less? No, I don’t.”

“But do you see what I’m saying? Who knows what he does in the summer. Who knows how many girls he has waiting for him? I just don’t want to be played for a fool.”

“I don’t think that’s how it is. If you want to be casual, be casual.” He said.

“The thing is.. say they win this thing.. I don’t know him that well to be around with him during it. I mean I would feel out of place. But say they lose.. I wouldn’t even be able to help him through it. Because I don’t know what its like, I don’t know all the struggles. I just don’t think I’m what he needs right now.” I said.

“Maybe, maybe not. Regardless if he needs you or whatever, he still wants you.”

“I just don’t know, Liam. I just don’t know if this could work.”

“Grace, I’m not going to tell you anything. I’m not going to say be with him or leave him. I’m just going to be here for you. Because regardless of who you love.. I still love you.” He said.

“I know..” I said.

“Grace, I know that Sidney likes you. I know that if you want him, he will want you. I just think it comes down to what you want. I think it will always come down to that.” He said.

Middle of Series with Detroit.

“Hey! My parents are coming tomorrow, just fyi.” I told Liam while getting ready to watch Sidney’s Game 2 with Detriot.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asked.

“It doesn’t matter. KellyAnn is coming too.” I said.

“Oh well then why don’t you sleep in my room, KellyAnn can sleep in Rose’s room, and your parents can sleep in your room.” Liam said.

“I don’t want to kick you out.”

“You aren’t. Its your parents house.” HE said.

“Okay..” I agreed.

“Why isn’t Marlana coming?”

“She lives at school.” I said.

“Oh right.. I forgot.”

“Yeah.. you should definitely come out to dinner with us some night.” I said.

“How long are they staying?” He asked.

“Like 5 days. I think.” I said.

“Oh wow, why so long?”

“KellyAnn is looking for teaching jobs and has a few interviews. My mom is a teacher so she doesn’t have anything better to do and my Dad has time off.” I explained.

“Are you going to go out with Sidney?”

“I don’t think.”

“What?”

“It hasn’t been long enough to introduce him. They know I am friends with Sidney. But, if they meet him my mom will want to know every little detail and she will think its so serious. I’m just not ready for that.”

“How’s Sidney going to feel about that?”

“Yet again, he has bigger things on his mind.. than me.” I said.