Forty-One

“then nothing else really matters.” He said pulling away.

“Yes, it does. Love doesn’t just conquer all, Sidney.”

“Why, can’t it?”

“I loved you and my parents happened. I loved Liam and Morgan happened. I love and bad things happen. Love doesn’t mean a happily ever after.”

“When are you ever going to realize that I am not Liam.”

“I know, you aren’t. Liam is not bad. I know that you love me. I know that I love you. I also know that bad things happen to good people.”

“But don’t you think it would be better if we were together?” He said looking at me with those brown eyes.

“Everything would be better with you, I know it. It just scares me.”

“What exactly scares you?”

“Everything.”

“Getting cancer. You leaving. You breaking my heart.You..”

“Those things won’t happen.” He said cutting me off.

“Can we just go out or something?” I said changing the subject.

“Always changing the subject..”

“Well I don’t know what you want me to do or say, Sidney? Okay, I’m 19. This shit scares me. I stopped talking to James because he wanted something I couldn’t give him. I loved him but I wasn’t where he was at with everything. I loved him, but he loved me more. I was 16 when I met Liam and I was ready to give up the world for him. I was 16 and I was sure of everything. I loved him more than he loved me. Now, I’m not sure of anything. I’m not sure that love conquers all. I’m not sure I will ever be ready to up the world for anyone.”

“So where does that leave us?”

“We are us.”

“But you wouldn’t give up the world for me?”

“Would you give up the world for me? Would you give up hockey for me??” I asked and he got up from the couch.

“I’m not even answering that.” He said.

“Why?” I said getting up.

“Cause its not a fair question.”

“Okay, then don’t ever ask me how I am suppose to not be scared to be with you.”

“How are the two things related?”

“I’m scared to be with you because hockey will always come before me. Hockey will always be your number one. And that’s fine. Truly, I can live with that. I can live with having 75% of your heart, but I can’t live with knowing that you may not be there sometimes because you will be doing hockey.”

“Hockey is my job. Did you ever care that much about James being a doctor?”

“Yeah, I said that he would be leaving in a year and I’m not following him around.”

“But you weren’t scared to be with you?”

“No, because he loved me more than I loved him.”

“So that’s the problem? You think I don’t love you enough.”

“That’s not the problem. There is no problem, Sidney. I want to be with you.”

“Then why do you do this? Why do you pick things out of the wood work for us to fight about?”

“Its just what I do.” I said and walked to my room.

“I get that’s what you do.” He said and sat on my bed beside me.

“I don’t know how to tell you why I feel the way I do. I don’t know how to make me not feel that way.”

“Tell me what you do know.”

“I know that I do love you. I also know that I want to be with you.”

“Than that’s fine with me.” He said and kissed me.

“When do you have to leave.” I said pulling away.

“Never.” He said and kissed me again.

“No, seriously. When do you have practice?”

“We don’t have practice today. I’m yours all day long.”

“You shouldn’t have said that.” I said and we fell back to the bed.