Twenty-One.

“So did you play well today?” I asked him at dinner the next day.

“I mean I played okay.” He said.

“My dad plays golf a lot. Its funny because he will play golf like twice a week for work.. pretty good job to have.” I said laughing.

“Yeah, that’s pretty sweet.” He said.

“I think my dad would like you a lot.” I said.

“Really? Does he like hockey?” He asked me.

“No, actually not at all. My dad is into sports a lot. Mostly basketball and football, some baseball. And golf obviously, all dads love golf.” I said.

“Yeah.” He simply said.

“So how is being back home?” I asked.

“Good. Relaxing I should say. Its nice to just be at home with my dog and see my family.” He said.

“Go on any dates lately?” I asked taking a bite of my chicken.

“Grace.” He said.

“What? It’s a legit question.” I said.

“No, its not. Who asks things like that?” He asked.

“True. I don’t want to know if you went on any dates or if you have slept with anyone. Even though you obviously did or you wouldn’t have cared that I just asked.” I simply said.

“That’s not fair.” He said.

“Yeah, it’s not. Haven’t you figured out that I don’t really do whats fair sometimes. Life isn’t fair, trust me.” I said and he just looked at me.

“Changing subjects.” I said.

“New Batman movie comes out soon.. pretty exciting.” I said changing the subject.

“Are you really going to talk about movies?” He asked.

“Yeah, I am. I love Batman and movies. I think Liam and I will go to the midnight showing, that should be fun.” I said.

“Yeah.” He said.

On the ride home, I kept asking myself why I did that at dinner. Why did I get resentful towards him? I guess I do that a lot. I pick fights with people because I can. I pick fights with people to test their limits. I pick fights with people to see if they really care. I have always done that. I have always pushed people’s buttons. But did I think that he really did go on a date? No, it took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Its not my business. I was the one that told him that we aren’t exclusive. If it was anyone’s fault it was my own. However, it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I liked Sidney, I truly liked Sidney. I didn’t want him to leave and I didn’t want him to be dating anyone but me.

“Sorry about before.” I said once we got back to the apartment.

“Its fine, Grace.”

“No, its not. I pick fights sometimes.” I said.

“Yeah, I noticed.”

“I don’t know why I do it. I just do. Fighting with Liam always made me feel better. If I was having a bad day I always was like I want to yell at Liam, because I knew Liam would always be there. I knew Liam would let me yell at him because that’s what I needed. I shouldn’t do it and I’m sorry.”

“We are fine, Grace. I promise.” He said reaching for my hand.

“I don’t want to fight with you especially when you are here.” I said.

“I know. Its over. If you ever want to pick a fight with someone, you can pick it with me. I can handle it. I’m not going anywhere.” He said.

“Except Canada.” I said making a weird face.

“Yeah, except Canada.” He said trying to make the same face as I just made.

“You are cute.” I said laughing.

“Well thank you.” He said.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked.

“You can ask me anything always.” I said.

“Don’t you think it will be hard to be a pediatric oncologist? I mean not like academically, but emotionally especially because you went through it?” He asked completely trying to understand a little more of what goes on in my head.

“Didn’t we ever talk about this?” I asked.

“No.” He said shaking his head.

“I always knew that I wanted to be a doctor before I got diagnosed. After, it was just so much clearer.”

“Why?”

“Its so much easier knowing that people have gone through what you are going through. Yeah, telling a kid they have cancer or telling a parent their kid has cancer is something you can’t even imagine. It’s a horrible thing to tell someone. A lot of people associate cancer with death. That shouldn’t be the case. 80% of kids (up to the age of 15) that are diagnosed with cancer survive. That’s a huge number, but to a lot of people that’s just a number. But I am proof. I’m not a part of that number because I was 16, but I got diagnosed and I am still alive. Telling someone they have cancer would be an awful day and I am sure that will happen daily in my life. But, I can’t think of a better day than telling a parent or a child that they are cancer free. I can help people and I know that. I know that I can make a difference. I know that I could be that ray of hope to someone that just got dealt a crappy set of cards.” I explained.

“You are stronger than I am. I don’t think I could do it.” He said.

“You could, I am sure. People always think that its so brave of me to want to do it, even when they don’t know I lived through it.”

“It is brave. Its probably a career that so many people can’t even imagine doing.” He said.

“Its not brave. Its something I know I can do. Its kind of a thing that I think I was destined to do. I know every doctor have a purpose and is important, but I can’t think of a greater purpose than fighting cancer.” I said.

“I could just talk to you about things like this for hours. You are just so amazing, your brain and heart are something I have never experienced before.” He said putting his hand over my heart.

“I’m not amazing, Sidney.” I said shaking my head.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” He said.

“You are so sweet.” I said kissing him.

Its moments like this that I couldn’t even imagine Sidney and I not working. Its moments like this that makes me thank God that I found Sidney. Its moments that like this that makes me wish that Sidney didn’t have to go back to Canada. But then I realize that he must.