Twenty-Seven

“Hey.” I called Sidney later that night while I was waiting for James.

“I didn’t think you would call.” He said.

“I said I wanted to talk.”

“Yeah before you found out about the Bahamas.”

“It hurts.. is that what you want me to say? That it hurts to know that I wasn’t enough. It hurts to think about you with another girl. It hurts to tell you about James. Is that what you want to hear me say? Yeah, Sidney. I liked you a lot. Somewhere along the way it got screwed up. Mostly because of me but partly because of you. Life is messy and I know that but it doesn’t change the fact that it still hurts.” I said.

“I don’t want to hurt you. Sleeping with that girl was a mistake. I made a mistake.”

“That was a mistake but not telling me about it after it happened.. that was a lie.” I said.

“So you aren’t mad because I slept with someone else, you are mad because I didn’t tell you about it?”

“I’m hurt because you felt like you had to sleep with someone else. I’m mad because you didn’t tell me. Sidney, everyone makes mistakes. I’m not expecting you to be a perfect and I hope you don’t expect me to ever be perfect, but owning up to the mistakes is the right thing to do. I miss you, Sidney. I really really do, but it hurts to know that just the mere act of talking to me or being with me wasn’t enough for you.” I said.

“It is enough. It was enough.”

“Obviously, it wasn’t.” I said.

“Yes, It is. I made a mistake, Grace. Okay, I made one mistake and I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. It just means that if there was no James or there wasn’t the fight with the parents, we still wouldn’t be together.”

“because I slept with someone else?”

“Yeah.”

“But you are with James.”

“You slept with someone when we were together! Me and you were long broken up before I even started to think about James.”

“You should know that your parents were wrong. I understand their concern. I even understand where they are coming from. I may not be there for every doctors appointment. I may not be there everyday to tell you I love you, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to be there. Sick or not sick, I would and still want to be there for you. I know that my job makes me gone a lot and it makes you wonder my faithfulness but I would be devoted to you. And if push came to shove and you really needed me by your bed side right this second, I would be there. No questions asked.”

“Sidney, I never doubted that you would want to be there. I don’t doubt that you liked me. I don’t doubt that we could have worked, but they are my parents. Yeah, I should have stood up to them, but I didn’t.”

“I could have loved you.”

“Me too, Sidney. Things happen for a reason.”

“Grace, I miss you.”

“Sidney, I don’t doubt that you miss me. I don’t doubt that you liked me. But you couldn’t have liked me that much to sleep with someone else. I couldn’t have meant that much.”

“You did. You do, Grace.”

“I don’t know. I want you in my life, but just as friends. I have James now.”

“You have James?”

“Yes. It wasn’t planned. Okay, it just happened. I’m sorry, Sidney. Its just not meant for me and you right now.”

“I don’t think I can just be friends with you.”

“Well then we can’t be anything. I want to be friends.”

“I know, I want you in my life.”

“Sidney, listen. This is the honest truth. I could have loved you. I could have seen myself really falling for you. And I like you, but I don’t really know you that well. I wish I did. I wish that I could have stood up to my parents and I wish things were different. But I don’t wish that I never met James. He is a good guy and he deserves to be given a chance. We took our chance and it just didn’t work.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Its not your fault. People make mistakes. I get it, but I can’t just forget about the Bahamas girl. I don’t even know what happened. I guess I don’t deserve to know.” I said.

“You want to know? I got really drunk one night and there was as girl. We slept together, she meant nothing. I wish I didn’t do it, but I was drunk. I haven’t even spoken to her since I left the Bahamas.”

“Being drunk doesn’t give you an excuse for being stupid. And I’m sad that she meant nothing. I kind of wish she would have meant something, because shes a reason we aren’t together.”

“I’m sorry, Grace. I really really am.”

“You don’t have to keep saying sorry. I get that you are sorry. I get that you made a mistake and I get that you regret it. But it happened. And its fine. I want you to be happy.”

“I was happy with you.”

“Sidney, please.”

“I know. I should have known. If it wasn’t James it would have been Liam. You are too good of a catch to not have someone. You are the kind of girl mom’s want their son to bring home.”

“I don’t know about that.” I said smiling a little.

“Liam was right.”

“About what?”

“That you are an amazing girl.”

“You should know that Liam didn’t bring home that girl that night. Well he did, but it wasn’t like what you think.” He said.

“What are you talking about?”

“Liam didn’t bring that girl home. He wasn’t playing you or something like that. He loves you. Or he did love you again. He realized he made a mistake when he slept with that girl. He realized what I realize now that you are as good as it gets.”

“I don’t get what you are saying.” I said really confused.

“Liam and I talked one night.”

“What did he say?”

“That he loves you. He loves you probably more than anyone would ever love you. He would do anything for you and if I hurt you he would come after me. He basically just told me that you are one of a kind.”

“I’m not anything special.”

“Yes you are.” He said.

“I don’t really get why you can forgive Liam and his mistake with Morgan, but not with me.”

“You aren’t Liam. Don’t compare you and Liam. Because what me and Liam are is nothing like what me and you are. Liam and I have history.”

“Yeah, we could have too.”

“Yeah, we could have. But I don’t know you that well. Summer was suppose to be that for us. But things change, Sidney. Things happen that we don’t foresee happening. I forgave Liam but it doesn’t mean I forget the feeling of walking in and seeing it. I love Liam and I will always love Liam, but what he did was wrong and he suffered for it. What you did was wrong as well. And I forgave you, I’m just not jumping back into bed with you.” I said.

“I know I’m not Liam. But I don’t get what James has.”

“you are in Canada, Sidney.”

“So its about proximity.”

“No, it’s about timing.” I simply said.

“Sidney, I really am sorry about my parents. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about James. I’m sorry that things worked out this way. I didn’t picture the summer turning out this way.”

“Me either. I did miss you.”

“Me too, Sid. I don’t know how we got here, but I just got to keep going. I don’t know what the future holds for me and you. I just hope I’m still in your life ten years from now.” I said.

“You will be.”

“Hey, I got to go. James should be getting off work soon.” I said.

“Okay.” He simply said.

“Sidney, thanks for telling me about sleeping with that girl. I don’t think less of you or anything like that. I know you think that I hold people to this standard that people can’t live up too. I hold you to a standard that I know you can achieve. I just know how good of a person you are and that’s what I miss you. That’s why I wanted you in my life. I see your potential. I see your heart. That’s what made me like you. Not your status or your name or even your good looks. Just know that you have a good heart.” I said.

“You see me in a better light than anyone else. I don’t deserve it.”

“You do. I’ll talk to you later.” I said and hung up the phone.

“I love you, Liam.” I said walking into his room.

“What?”

“I just think sometimes we take for granted eachother. I love you and you are one of the best parts of my life.” I said laying on his bed.

“Right back at you, Grace.” He said smiling.

“Isn’t James coming over?” He asked.

“Yeah, I should go.” I said leaving the room.

I can’t believe what Sidney told me. Liam really did love me? Liam really wanted to get back with me? I never thought he was serious. Liam has Maggie and I have James. But there is something with Liam and I. I don’t think I could ever love anyone as much as I love Liam. Just because Liam is my best friend and soul mate. He was my first everything. I just don’t know about so many things. James is a great guy and he does deserve for me to give this a shot. But Sidney is a great guy as well. He is a good person and I could have loved him. I could have and maybe I did, but..

“Hey, babe.” James said walking into the apartment and giving me a kiss.