Twenty-Five

The past week or so, James has been spending a lot of time on the floor I frequent. He and I just talk about stupid stuff. We talk about things that just come up. He helps me with Calculus or Physics if I don’t understand. Its kind of nice, but I can’t help but miss Sidney. Its been about two weeks since I have talked to him. I missed him more than I thought I would. I wonder from time to time what he is doing, where is at, who is he with, and what he is thinking. I know I don’t deserve to miss him. I don’t deserve to think about him, but I do. I know I messed up. I know that I shouldn’t have listened to my parents, but what is done is done. There is nothing I can do anymore. I was thinking about Sidney one night when James walked into the room and interrupted my thoughts.

“Hey.” I said when I heard him walk into the room.

“Whats up?” He asked.

“Nothing different than when you text me the same question about two hours ago. “ I said looking at him.

“When are you going to let me take you out?” He asked sitting down beside me.

“Stop it.” I said.

“I’m serious.” He said.

“You are 28 and I’m 19.” I said.

“I don’t care. I like you. I want to take you out.” He said.

“You may not care that you are that much older than me, but other people do.”

“No they don’t. Can I just take you out?”

“You are a doctor, I don’t think you have time to date.” I said.

“I somehow find time to come up here and talk to you and help you with your homework.. I think I have time to take you to dinner.” He said. I just gave him a look.

“Why won’t you let me take you out?”

“I told you. The boy that I use to date, my parents forbid me. Its only been like two weeks.” I said.

“I just want to take you to dinner.”

“Just dinner.” I said.

“Just dinner.” He repeated.

Just dinner led to another dinner. And that dinner led to another. And then it led to a movie. And then came scrabble. Then came coffee and studying til morning. And we would talk about life. We would talk about everything. He was great. James was what I needed. Its been about two weeks and no thinking of Sidney. Until, I saw Marc-Andre. James has a house in the same neighborhood. Actually he lives kind of across the street. The one morning, James and I left his house at the same time and Marc-Andre just happened to be walking out of his house too. I tried not to make eye contact. I tried not to let James notice, but that didn’t work either.

“You know Marc-Andre?” He asked me when we got into his car.

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“That boy I was forbidden to see.. kind of was one of his teammates.” I said.

“Let me guess.”

“You aren’t going to guess.” I said.

“Just tell me.”

“Why?”

“Because if my girlfriend use to date a hockey player, I should probably know.”

“First, I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Then what do you call what we are doing?”

“Dating. We are dating. We are having fun. I like you, but its only been like two weeks.” I said.

“Fine. It was Sidney Crosby.” He said.

“Yeah, it was. I don’t talk to him anymore, so who cares.” I simply said and rolled down the window.

“Why did your parents hate him?”

“Because of the life he leads. They thought if I relied on him and started to love him and then got sick again, I would be devastated because he couldn’t be there for me.”

“You won’t get sick.” He said.

“I know that and you know that.” I said. James knew I had cancer from the get go. I think Mollie let it slip one time. I was kind of relieved. I didn’t want to have to explain everything. It was kind of nice that he just knew. I must have gave a look because he changed the subject.

“So I get off around 11 tonight. Are you volunteering or do you want me to come to your apartment after?” He asked.

“I have to study, so just come after.” I said. This was the routine. We would be together any moment we could be. I liked James. I really did like James, but seeing Marc just made everything real again. Me liking James isn’t just me liking James, it affects Sidney too.

“Hey.” Liam said when I walked in to the apartment.

“How’s James?” He asked me. For some reason, Liam liked James. They got along right away. Liam started seeing this girl named Maggie. She was really nice too. I think this was the first time that we could both talk to eachother about the opposite sex. We were happy for eachother, it was nice. Liam liked James, but he also liked Sidney.

“Fine. I saw Marc-Andre.” I said.

“Where?”

“Ironically, James and Marc-Andre live in the same development.” I said.

“Why is he even in Pittsburgh?” He asked.

“I have no idea. But he saw us leaving James’ house.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this.. but.”

“Say it, Liam.”

“I like James, I do. I just don’t see how you dating a 28 year old is going to sit with your parents any better than Sidney.” He said.

“Maybe I don’t care what my parents think.” I said.

“So you are going to betray your parents for James but not for Sidney.”

“Its not like that.” I said.

“It kind of is.”

“Me having feelings for James doesn’t change the way I feel for Sidney.”

“It has too, Grace.”

“Why?”

“Because you can’t love both guys. You can’t be sleeping with James but thinking about Sidney.”

“When I am sleeping with James I’m not thinking about Sidney.”

“Fine”

“I don’t get your point.”

“My point is, James can’t replace Sidney.”

“James isn’t Sidney, therefore he can’t replace him.”

“I know that, but I don’t think you do.”

“What do you want me to say?” I asked.

“I just don’t think its fair for you to be doing this.”

“Well I don’t think its fair that my parents won’t let me date Sidney.”

“Stand up to them then! If you want to date Sidney, go for it. If you want to date James, go for it. But you can’t let Sidney think that the only reason you aren’t together is because of your parents, because that’s not true anymore.” He said.

“If it wasn’t for my parents, I would be with Sidney.” I said.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t be with James.” He said and walked into his room.

Liam was right, I guess. I don’t know. I guess that’s the bottom line, I like Sidney a lot. I miss Sidney a lot. But I like being with James too. They both seem to fit. They both seem to be people I could love. One thing was for sure, I couldn’t keep running from Sidney especially because I got a text from him when I was talking to Liam.

We need to talk.