Eleven.

“Hey, where are you going?” I asked Liam.

“Ben and I are going to go out with some guys from high school.” He said.

“You aren’t going to the game?” I asked.

“No, we are going to watch it with some people at Ben’s.” He said.

“So you won’t be back tonight?” I asked.

“No, is that okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.. it will be the first time I’m here by myself.” I said.

“You will fine.” He said.

“I’m going to tell Sidney today..” I said.

“Okay, well if you need me.. call me.” He said then he left.

I was going to the game with Erin, Brooks’ girlfriend. So when Liam left, I started to get ready. They played the Rangers at 2 today. Then after, I would tell him. I had no idea how I was going to say it, but I figured it would just happen.

“Hey.” Erin said when I got into her car.

“Hey..”

“What’s wrong?” she asked me.

“I’m going to tell Sidney today.” I simply said.

“You haven’t told him yet?”

“No. I know he is going to be mad. I know its going to be over after today.” I said.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I know him better than people think.” I said.

“I have so many reasons that I didn’t tell him, but I know he won’t care about any of them.” I said.

“Grace, there is no book that tells you how to handle this. There is no timeline that says when people have the right to know that you had cancer.” Erin said.

“I know, but even Liam thinks its bad. He just kept asking me why am I ashamed of cancer now?”

“Is that what it is?” Erin asked.

“No, I just don’t want Sidney to see me or think of me like that. He is Sidney Crosby. He could have who ever he wanted. Why would he want to be with a girl who had no hair? Why would he want to be with a girl who.. why would he want to be with me?” I asked.

“I think you are thinking about this too much. Give him the benefit of the doubt.” She said.

“Yeah, we will see.” I simply said.

“I have to tell you something.” I said after we were done with dinner and we went back to my apartment.

“What is it?” He said.

“You are going to be mad, but I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how.”

“What are you talking about?” Sidney asked looking more confused.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you about everything.” I said.

“Just tell me.”

“Tomorrow will mark 3 years ago that I was diagnosed with Melanoma.” I said. He just looked at me.

“I was finishing my sophomore year and I found a mole on my side. I knew it was bad as soon as I saw it. I could feel that something was wrong. I was right. I came to Pittsburgh and got treatment for 9 months. It was here that I met Liam. He had leukemia. So that’s my secret. I met Liam while I was at Chemo. That’s how I know Erin, she granted mine and Liam’s wish. That’s why I was at the Children’s Hospital that day, I was volunteering because they changed my life. I should have told you sooner maybe.” I said. He just looked at me.

“You are mad.” I simply said. He shook his head.

“About me having cancer or about not telling you?” I asked.

“I can’t believe you think I would be mad about you having cancer! I’m mad because you didn’t tell me. I don’t even know you.”

“Sidney, that’s not true.”

“It is true. 2 months we have been talking! 2 months and you never thought it would be a good time to explain how you knew Liam or Erin. Or why you had do go to the doctors. Nothing. I just don’t get why you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I knew you were hiding something.. but nothing this big!” He said getting up.

“Sidney.. don’t leave. I didn’t know that knowing a person for 2 months meant sharing your life story with them!?” I said.

“Grace, so many nights we talked about random. Its not that you didn’t tell me, its that you purposely didn’t tell me. And no, knowing someone for 2 months doesn’t mean telling them everything.. but I guess I wanted to tell you my life story. I guess when you are falling for someone you want to tell them everything, but I guess you just didn’t feel that way.” He said.

“That’s not true. I have my reasons that I didn’t tell you.”

“I’m sure you do.” He said heading to the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I just.. I can’t do this right now.” He said and he left.

After he left, it hit me. Sidney left. I told him and he left. It took me a few minutes, then I just broke down. I just cried. Cried because I tried to let him in, and he didn’t want to be there. I cried because it was the first time I told someone about cancer. I cried because I just let someone walk out of my life that could have potentially been a great addition. I cried because for the first time in a long time, I felt alone. I made my way to my bedroom and just got under the covers and grabbed my stuffed animal. I just didn’t want to think about it anymore. I was determined to fall asleep. After about three hours, I called Liam.

“I told him.” I said still stuffy from crying.

“Grace, do you need me to come over?” He asked.

“He left, Liam. He left..” I said.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He said.

“No, I’m okay. I just want to be alone.” I said.

“I love you and if you need me, just call me.” He said.

“Thanks.. I’ll call you later or tomorrow.” I said.

I thought I was done crying, but after talking to Liam I started again. I started to think that maybe I made the wrong decision. Maybe Liam would be the only guy that would ever love me. Maybe I let the only guy I could ever trust go. I just hugged my stuffed giraffe and cried. It was along couple of hours.