Nine.

“Hey, whats up?” I said calling Sidney on my way to Pittsburgh.

“Are you driving?” He asked.

“Yeah?” I said confused.

“Okay, I’ll just wait until you get back.” He said.

“What?”

“I don’t want to tell you when you are driving. Could you stop by Mario’s on your way home?” He asked.

“Yeah.. whatever.” I said.

“Grace..”

“No, its fine. That’s fine. I’ll call you when I am close.” I said.

“I’m so confused.” I said when I finally became face to face with Sidney.

“Sorry.” He said hugging him.

“Did you just want me to come here to hug me?” I asked.

“That would have been a good plan, but no. I’m not that creative. I have to tell you something, which will probably hurt you and you probably won’t believe me.. but I have to tell you.” He said. I sat down on Mario’s porch bracing myself for what Sidney was going to tell me next.

“Last night when we got in, we all went out.”

“okay?” I said still confused.

“we went out and I saw Liam.”

“So? Did you guys get into a fight?!” I said jumping to conclusions.

“No.. there wasn’t a fight. I saw him with a girl.” He said. My face must have just went blank. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I let him talk.

“He was with this girl that I had never seen before. They were really touchy.. so I asked Jordan who that was and he said that her name was Caroline. I asked if they knew her.. and they said that Liam brings her around sometimes.”

“Brings her around sometimes?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Max said that Liam told him the other day that he was taking Caroline out. I don’t know.” He said.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” I said.

“I don’t know.” He said again.

“You don’t know if he was with a girl? You don’t know if he was making out with her? You don’t know if they had sex? You don’t know how many times? What don’t you know!?” I said getting more upset.

“I know he was with her. You think I’m lying?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I just think it would benefit you the most if this were true.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you. I wouldn’t want to hurt you.” He said.

“I just don’t get it. Why would he kiss me? Why would he tell me he wanted me back? Why would he do anything he has been doing if he had Caroline?” I asked him.

“I don’t know. But I’m not lying.” He kept saying. I just shook my head.

“I can’t believe you are going to believe him over me. Call Jordan and Max.. they know more than me!”

“Sidney, its not that I don’t believe. It’s not that. Its just if believing you means believing that Liam is a liar, I can’t do it.”

“So its okay to believe that I am a liar as long as Liam is still perfect in your eyes?” He asked.

“Sidney, that’s not fair.” I said.

“Its completely fair. I just can’t wait for you to stop comparing me to Liam. I can’t wait for me to be as great in your eyes as Liam is.” He said.

“First of all, don’t ever say that I compare you to Liam. Don’t ever try to say that I shouldn’t trust Liam or love Liam. You have no idea what my life was like before 2 months ago! Okay, you hardly know me! Liam knows everything about me. I don’t think you are a liar, Sidney. But I also know that Liam isn’t either.” I said. Sidney just stared at me.

“I’m going to go. I’ll talk to you later.” I said then walked towards my car.

I drove back to the city in silence. No music. No radio. No phone calls. No nothing. Just me and my thoughts. I just walked into the apartment, not even noticing if Liam was there. I walked in and went straight to me room. I threw my bags on the floor and stuffed my head in the pillows and cried. After a good cry, I mean everyone needs a good cry from time to time, I laid on my bed staring at my ceiling. After the ceiling, I stared at the pictures in my room. My room had a weird vibe, but I loved it. My walls were red, with white trim. My bed spread was black, just solid black, with white sheets. All of my furniture was white and every photo I had was black and white. It was just a great room to get lost in. I looked at the pictures in my room. I had my Junior Prom with Liam, we both had no hair, but we didn’t care. We were in love, or so we thought. I had my Senior Prom with Liam, we had hair. That could arguably be the best night of my life. I have a picture of me Rose at Senior Prom and then at graduation. I have a picture of Liam shaving my head. I have a picture of mine and Liam’s family in Ireland. I have a picture of Ben, Rose, me, and Liam. It was taken our first night in the apartment all together. I have so many pictures but if someone would come in and count, Liam would be in the most. Liam is everywhere. Liam is a huge part of my life. Its not even that Sidney is lying. I know that he isn’t lying. I know that Liam was most likely with a girl, and I don’t even care. I mean I care, but I’m not mad at Liam. I am mad at myself. I let myself believe that Liam still wanted me. I let myself believe that things could work again. Maybe I will end up with Liam in the long run. Maybe, Rose was right and I will end up with my Pacey, Sidney. Maybe, I will end up with some guy I haven’t even met. I don’t know, but I do know that right now.. I wanted to be with Pacey. I wanted Sidney. I made my choice. I probably made my choice two weeks ago. Its always been Sidney. But, Liam is everywhere. If I ever doubted that I just needed to look in my room. And I think what scared me the most after coming to this realization about Sidney was that now I had to tell him. I just realized that he was the one I want, and now I have to tell him something that could make him hate me. The whole point in not telling him was I wanted him to love me for me. I didn’t want him to feel bad for the little cancer girl. I don’t want to be that girl. But, now I have to tell him that for the past 2 months I have been keeping this huge part of my life a secret.

So about three hours after leaving Sidney’s, I called him.

“Hey, can we meet?” I asked.

“Yeah, coffee shop on the corner?” He asked like it was so normal for us to do.

“Yeah, call me when you are close.” I said and hung up the phone.

“Hey.” I said when I walked in and saw Sidney sitting at our normal table. Yeah, its kind of pathetic.. we have a normal table at the coffee shop on the corner on the South Side. Yeah, but whatever.

“Hey, Grace..listen… I’m sorry about before.” He said.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.” He said.

“No, I spent the past three hours crying and laying in my bed just thinking.”

“I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“You didn’t.” I said.

“I made a decision.” I said.

“About what?” He said so oblivious to everything I was trying to say. It actually made me like him more.

“I choose you.” I simply said.

“Liam told you about Caroline?” He asked.

“No. I don’t even know if Liam was home. I went straight to my room.” I said.

“So you believe me, or you don’t believe me? I’m confused.” He said.

“It doesn’t matter if what you said about Liam is true. I don’t care if Liam is seeing someone else. I mean I care obviously because he led me on. He made me question everything just because he didn’t want to lose me. I get being afraid to lose someone. I get the fact that you do some weird things just to see if people actually care. But, I picked you not because you told me the truth about Liam. I didn’t pick you because Liam lied. I picked you because it is when you walk into the room my heart skips a beat. It is with you that I get butterflies. Liam maybe use to do these things, but presently it would be you that has these effects on me. So take it or leave it, I pick you.” I said. He just looked at me in disbelief.

“I’ll take it.” He said and we both laughed.

“Our fight made you decide?” He asked.

“No.. I think I have known. I mean I have known for a few weeks, but I was just scared, I think. I’m sorry.” I said.

“Don’t apologize.” He said smiling.

“Plus, Rose made me realize that just because someone is your soul mate doesn’t mean they are the love of your life.” I said.

“Rose is a smart girl.” He said and I laughed.

“Could we go get something to eat? I haven’t eaten yet?” I asked.

“Of course.” He said and then we walked to his car hand in hand.

“you chose me. Wow..I’m just going to keep repeating it to myself.” He said when we got into the car.