Twelve.

Then…I heard the doorbell.

“That is weird. Liam has a key.” I thought to myself. I walked to the door not realizing I was still holding Geoffrey, the giraffe.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left.” He said.

“Why did you?” I asked.

“I guess it was a combination of being shocked about what you were telling me and the fact that you didn’t tell me. I just can’t believe you didn’t trust me enough to tell me this.” He said.

“Sidney.. I have never told a single soul. Somehow, people just knew. I never told them.” I said.

“Can I come in to talk?” He asked still standing outside of my door.

“Oh yeah..” I said.

We walked to the couch.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked me.

“Because I didn’t want you to think of me like that. I don’t want pity. I wanted you to like me and not feel bad for me.” I said.

“I mean, I feel bad for you. But its not going to make me like you more.” He said.

“Sidney, you said that you were falling for me..” I said.

“Yeah?”

“I’m falling for you, that’s why I told you. You shouldn’t have to be with someone that could be sick at any moment.”

“Grace.. I want to know you. I came back because I want to know everything.” He said.

“Everything isn’t great. I don’t want you to think of me like that. That’s why I didn’t tell you.. who wants the guy they like to think of them being weak and sick?” I asked.

“I want to know everything about you. Liam saw you like that.”

“Liam had no choice but to see me like that. He fell inlove with me when I had no hair. Hell, he shaved my head for me.” I said.

“I get why you have this connection. I didn’t before, but now.. I do.” He said.

“Please.. just tell me.” He said. I just looked down at my giraffe and started to talk.

“It was three years ago. The worst part was having to wait for them to tell me that it was bad.”

“What did you think when it was happening?” He asked.

“I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine telling people that I had cancer, I mean how do you tell someone that? Then I started to think, what if I die? I haven’t even been in love. I hadn’t experienced my first kiss. I didn’t even know how to drive. These were my initial thoughts. Then.. I realized that I didn’t do anything to make this happen. It just happened. God wanted it to happen. I knew that God had a plan and I would be okay. I knew that because of the things I had yet to experience. God wouldn’t make this happen to me and make me miss out on those things. It was fate. That’s what I believed.” I said looking up at him. He put his hand on my leg.

“You believe you were destined to have cancer?” He asked.

“Yeah, I do. I believe in fate. Everything happens for a reason. I had cancer, which led me to meet Liam. It was because of Liam and cancer that I am here in Pittsburgh. It is because of cancer that I met Erin. It is through Erin that I met you. It’s a chain reaction. Fate is something I definitely believe in.” I explained.

“Anyways.. they told me that I had cancer. They said that they caught it early enough and I only had to go through radiation and chemo. The initial melanoma was here.” I said putting my hand on the side of my breast.

“Then, they found some on my ankle and calf. I have some pretty big scars. They thought it would be best to come to Pittsburgh. So that’s what we did.” I said.

“Then you met Liam?”

“I met Liam on my second day of chemo. He was doing his second day too. We instantly became friends. I’m not going to lie, I thought he was cute. Which was just mortifying at first, knowing that this kid that is so cute would see me at my worst. But we spent every waking hour together. We got sick together, we played cards together. I made a decision that I didn’t want to wait for my hair to fall out. At that time I had really really long hair. I decided I would donate my hair for Locks of Love, and then I would shave it. Liam shaved my head, and I shaved his.” I said touching my hair.

“It was scary being in that situation with someone. He saw everything. He was the reason I made it through. I would say we shaved our heads about two weeks into treatment. We kissed that night. My first kiss was when I had no hair. That’s who Liam was to me, he loved me when I didn’t think anyone could even look at me. It was hard knowing that the person you were falling for was so sick. I mean, our situation wasn’t normal. We spent so much time together, so even though we might have only known eachother for a month or something like that, it felt longer because of everything that happened.” I explained.

“Liam was sicker than me. Leukemia is way worse than melanoma, well atleast mine. I couldn’t bear to watch him get sick. Everytime I left his room I worried that he would be gone before I saw him next. It was so scary. I was more scared for him to die, than I was to die myself. Meeting him, made cancer okay to me.” I said looking at Sidney.

“I know you don’t like him, Sidney. But, he is the reason I am okay. He loved me when no one else could or wanted too. He made me feel normal. To this day, when I see him I can’t even believe that he wanted me of all people. I just feel so bad that this happened to him.” I said crying.

“It happened to you too.” He said trying to comfort me.

“you don’t understand.” I said.

“I’m trying too.” He said.

“Liam is mad at God. He is mad that he got cancer. He doesn’t see it the way I see it. He says that I am the reason he is okay. That I made him be okay with cancer. Liam could relapse so easily. It scares me. I know that you don’t like Liam. But, seriously.” I said starting to cry again.

“I don’t hate Liam, Grace. Especially now, I could never hate someone that you love so much.” He said holding me closer.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry that I had cancer.. I’m sorry to put you through this.”

“Babe, I’m sorry that you had cancer. I’m sorry you had to go through it. Don’t apologize to me. I’m here because I want to be, not because I feel bad for you.” He said.

“This is Geoffrey. I got him the beginning of sophomore year. He has been through it all with me.” I said showing him the giraffe.

“He is cute.” He said kissing my nose. I took a deep breath, then I took his hand.

“I want to show you something.” I said.

“I have never seen your room before.” He said when he realized where we were going.

“Because my whole room screams that I had cancer. And I know, it shouldn’t have been a secret. But once you see how I use to look, you won’t forget it. I will beg you to forget it, but you won’t.” I said. He sat on my bed and I brought him the picture of me and Liam at junior prom.

“You are beautiful.” He said looking at the picture.

“You don’t have to say that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Its not. I look at that picture and cringe.”

“Yet in the picture, you look so happy.”

“At the time, I was. I was with the boy I loved and I survived. But looking at it now, I am mortified that you are seeing me like that.”

“Why?”

“Because its like I’m naked in that picture. I have nothing to hide, its all open to everyone.”

“Its so raw and beautiful.” He said putting his hand around my neck.

“So how long did you stay in Pittsburgh?” He asked.

“9 months. Liam stayed longer. It was so hard leaving him. He came to prom with me. I can’t even describe to you what it was like to go back to school without hair. Everyone already knew that I had cancer, but it was one thing to know and another thing to witness it.” I said.

“So did you end up missing any school?” He asked.

“We got homeschooled during treatment. Another reason Liam and I got so close.”

“So this is why you want to become a doctor?” He asked.

“Yeah. I want to change the world, and it sounds ridiculous, but I could. I want to help a family make the worst news possible, into something to be proud of. I’m proud to have survived cancer. Did cancer suck? Definitely. Am I better person because of it? Definitely.”

“You are amazing.” He said kissing me.

“Not really. I still lied to you.” I said.

“Grace, you were right. I knew you for two months..You didn’t owe me anything.” He said.

“I owed you the truth, because I am falling for you. When I’m not with you, I want to be. You deserved to know. I’m just sorry. Brooks knew and I felt guilty for that. I felt guilty that people around you knew and you didn’t.”

“Brooks knew?” He asked.

“Erin knew. Make-a-Wish gave me and Liam a trip to Ireland. They loved us. They thought it was so cute that we fell in love during treatment and that we wanted a wish together. It just made sense for us to have one. I wouldn’t have wanted to go somewhere without him.”

“How did it work once you guys left Pittsburgh?” He asked.

“We saw each other probably every other weekend. Then in the summer we saw eachother a lot. Before we left Pittsburgh, we made a pact that we would come here for college. We said that this is where it all started and we could be together. Funny that we came here to be together, and once we were here.. we broke up.” I said.

“I’m sorry that I keep asking about Liam.”

“Its fine.. cancer and Liam are like intertwined.” I said laughing.

“Why did you guys end up breaking up?” He asked.

“Morgan was Carter’s sister. Carter was a 12 year old that was having treatment when we were getting treatment. They lived in Pittsburgh. Morgan was a year younger than us. All three of us met eachother the same day. I mean, I knew Liam. But Liam and I met Morgan together. That happened like right before I left Pittsburgh. I guess they kept talking and became friends. Then that day I found her in his bed with him. That was kind of a kicker.” I said laughing.

“But you forgave him? I mean you live together.” He said.

“Of course I forgave him. He is my best friend. When you meet your soul mate at 16 everyone assumes you are just going to be together forever, but it didn’t happen that way. It wouldn’t have been that way even if Morgan didn’t happen.”

“Why so?”

“Because we went through this crazy situation. We had a serious relationship right off the bat because we were both scared of dying and being without each other. It was too serious too fast. We both knew it. I still love him. Do I forgive him? Yes. Did I forget about Morgan? Hell no.” I said laughing.

“I’m sorry that I kept telling you to just forget about Liam.” He said.

“You didn’t know.” I said.

“Yeah..” He said. “I just want to hug you and never let you go. Not after finding this all out. I don’t want you to ever be hurting like that.” He said grabbing me closer.

“I’m so tired.” I whispered.

“Are you by yourself tonight?” He asked.

“Yeah, Liam is at home. Its kind of scary actually. I kept thinking that when you left and I was lying here.” I said.

“I know, I’m a dork.” I said.

“Do you want me to stay or something?” He asked.

“You don’t have too.. its fine.” I said embarrassed.

“I don’t want you to be scared. Ever.” He said leaning in to give me a soft kiss.

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